Start Line!!!

All we had is only six months. I wonder if that's enough. Years are waiting for us. Though, hard, and probably, weary years I'll be going through. We only had one phone call everyday. Maybe we could meet once or twice every months.
It's 2 AM and I'm wide awake. Thoughts of him, longing for his embrace is killing me inside. And it's not possible for me to not crying. I know it might be sounds silly and childish. I'm a big crybaby, I know. But I don't wanna lie and pretend I'm alright when I'm actually not. I could pretend for a day that I'm strong enough with all these sucks matters. I just can't stand the night. When everybody fell asleep they seems so peacefully in sleep while I'm crazier and desperately miss him too bad.
It's not my boyfriend the one I missed so much. It's a part of me, it's half of my heart, it's Red.
People said I'm losing my mind, but whom in love and don't? Everybody did. Don't judge me silly just because it's my very first time been in relationship. I know what I'm doing, following my heart, which is always seems to be right.
The school gonna start soon. Probably on August. Or maybe September. I gotta wait at least for three months, but three months doesn't mean it's the end of the pain. That's only the start line. And I don't know how long it took to the finish line. After I got my diploma... about four years or so? Maybe longer than I thought. Longer than I wish, sure. I have no idea what's coming to me next. I just wish for the best but still prepare for the worst (though I'm not sure I can handle worse things anymore after all).
Today we talk on the phone for an hour and some minutes. He's got a friends over there, my cousins was here so there would be no privacy tonight. But thankfully all of my burden today successfully passed away. He's my mood-buster anyway.
I said what's on my mind. How short time we had, it's only six months. Then the distance between us. He's in Bandung. I'm in Jakarta (somehow I love and hate Jakarta at the same moment). And don't he feel shame on me? I messed up my life. And when he blamed himself, I always hate myself even more. I hate to see him feeling guilty like that. I just hate it. He used to be so calm and unpredictable and once I imagine he wouldn't even bother if I get hurt or something. But he cried for me once and that's more than enough to makes me know and understand his feeling to me. It's more than I ever imagine. There was a disaster so it makes me believe he wouldn't care. But look at him! He's not the boy I met last August. He's a guy with views, dream and ambition and soon he became a great man. I knew he would.
And just like he usually did to me, he comfort me so easily. He even makes me happy. It's always nice to hear a sweet-real things from man you loves.
There's still some things I should do with passion, like study. So by then it's gonna makes most of the things easier (I really wish it could makes EVERYTHING easier and fixed). But it'll makes the burden gone one by one.
So then my daddy would change his mind about Red (I swear I'll make him do that) and maybe someday Red would come to my house. I wanna show him my little library, I bet he teased me bookworm.
Wishing someday I'll meet his family and watch Spongebob with his little sissy... I bet she'll loves Pucca like I did.
And then maybe the best moments of my life would come. The time when I can spend all my time with him with no rules, no protest from anyone, no time limits.
I guess it's a long long journey. So let's start from here.