IT (I wish your initial was ET)

I used to think one day I'm gonna write a good story about us. About how cool you used to look in my eyes, how much I admire you and fantasize about fairy tales about us. I made a playlist with songs that used to describe my feelings and thoughts about you, songs that used to be played all day long while I was thinking about you, but not about us cause that sounds not possible.
Today as I wait Red (and for sure, he never call like I wish he would). I play solitaire (so lonely) and I play that old playlist on just because I hate silents and for a minute I realize it's all your songs. It's Adele's Chasing Pavements, Melt My Heart to Stone, David Archie's To Be With You, Katy Perry's Mannequin and finally.
Daughtry's Over You. That's your last song (I hate to admit thre truth, Barry Manillow's Even Now, so never mind).
So let's say, today I'm thinking about you. But I just remember how we used to be so close and yet so far. I remember when you say hi with my middle name that I used to hate (and since you call me with that, I started to like it). I remember how fast my heart races when you put your hand on my shoulder and asked about my exam (and that's the first time I was so embarrassed cause I got the worst score like, ever). I remember how you get cold in the middle of ceremony on Church and how worried I was.
That's the same worry that I felt for Red right now when he ill. And no, I don't think I'm gonna feel the same thing again to you, as all my worries, wishes and dream is all on Red.
It's not like I miss you and want to see you. No, I prefer to meet Red for a second than have you for a week. It's just like... I miss you as my memory. I used to think you are the biggest heartache I ever feel. It turns out that you're not. My biggest fear now is Red, and all feelings, wishes and fantasy that I used to pray I'd do it all with you was changing. It's Red and the good thing is, it's not a fairy tales. It's coming-soon-happy-ending.
I'm so glad I met you, fall for you and hurts. Cause if I don't, how am I supposed to know that there's a great guy who loves me as much as I do?
I wish you well, IT. And thank you.