Galau of the week!

1. Arms - Christina Perri
2. Run Forward - Audrey Assad
3. A Thousand Years - Christina Perri
4. The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel
5. Water Runs Dry - Boyce Avenue

Happiness is...

Happiness is when you fell asleep in his arms.And then when you're awake, the very first thing you feel is his tenderness and all you see is him, sleeping peacefully.
Happiness is when you just feel so happy spending some time with him, with or without money to please.
Happiness is a thankful prayer form the bottom of your heart cause God gives you someone who's not perfect but somehow makes all your dreams comes true and make your life sounds perfect.
Happiness is when you kiss him with a smile.
Happiness is when you just smile with no reason, just because all you see is him.
And behind all those happiness, a great super big love stands.

When I feel happy, the cause is you.
When I say love, the one is you.
And when I said your name, it's like my whole life, present and future, were spread over all dreams.
In other words, you are my life. Now and then. Forever and always.

I love you Red. And thank you for best 24 hours of the year. You are forever mine ♥

Please Don't Go

Please Don't Go by houseofbugya on polyvore.com

Rockett St George Kiss Wall Sticker – Black
$50 - coggles.com

Boyz II Men - Water Runs Dry (Boyce Avenue acoustic cover) on iTunes

We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argue about
Don't even say I love you no more
Cause sayin' how we feel is no longer allowed
Some people will work things out
And some just don't know how to change
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it baby

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away

Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it baby

That's enough.

Today supposed to be good. Somehow I had these bad moods since last week. It haunts me before I went to sleep, but I try to ignore it cause today is Red's day. His first event as a chairman. As expected, he's so busy but that's alright. That's what he should do.
But someone told me something. A truth, maybe, and that's wasn't nice to knowing your boyfriend made a jokes about your relationship. I would never do that, so why did he? It hurts, you know. It's sad to heard from other people how he asked what if he's going out with any girl.
Seriously, what kind of person would do that? A player and a boy, maybe, but I thought he's different. I actually believe he's different, that he had changed and be more mature.But please, what is that supposed to mean? That's seriously not funny. This is the first time (maybe?) I am so damn mad at him. I called him but I think he's too tired and fell asleep, but thank God, maybe it's a way cause I won't call him anymore. For a while.
I know he's tired and hectic so I won't say anything at least until Friday. Or Saturday. I'm so disappointed and sad and tired and tears stop came out as I'm just a way too tired to feel tired and cry all night long.
Sometimes I think we're often fool ourselves and says it's love just because we're end up lonely if we were apart. I turn off my phone just to check on myself how long I can stand days without him.
Is it too much? Days goes by and there's something changed. yet I can't figure it out but I can feel it. I just can't say it clearly. Maybe it's the way we're talk, or maybe there's something more.
Yes I know I'm not perfect. I'm not an ideal dream girl. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm weird, you name it. But I love him, and I wonder if that's not enough.
He said I'm just fine. I'm pretty on my own, and well, I'm flattered and believe what he said. I just believe it. And now suddenly I heard what my friends said to me, things I always ignore as I believe in him.

Boys just a boys. Boys still a boy.

He's still a boy after all. But I don't believe he's like the others. He's different, though I don't have so much experience in dating or what but I know he's different.
I used to think he's so precious and he's mine to keep. After what I heard today, I wonder if I made a right decision to believe... or it's the biggest mistake in my life.
I love him and I never want to let him go. But I don't wanna look weak and being stupid.

Well it's still hurts to know how happy I used to be

It's funny how past could kill you... still.Today is my Mommy's birthday. She should be forty-something by now, but her age just stopped. She's no longer aging, no longer here, and I think it would make a big difference is she's still here. I miss her, but the truth is past just killing me.
To remind how good my life was back then. Six years ago, even eight months ago when I was pursue my dream to be an event planner or traveler.
I miss all good things that used to happen in my life.

Wed BG

So yesterday my second youngest uncle get married and I held the party. Me and my cousins Vania was like, damn, I want a wedding too! So I have this crazy wild dream that 10 years from now on, I'm gonna have mine (and in my dream it's Red's and mine LOL!).
They played love songs but I think that's lame, like Because You Loved Me, You're Still The One (well it's best song ever but I won't play it over and over again in my wedding!) and others just forgettable for me. So I'm thinking maybe, since he's a big fans of reggae, maybe we could play some reggae love songs like Colbie Caillat's I Do, Lucky (feat Jason Mraz) or something he likes. So I made a list songs I'm planning to be played on my wedding day:

• Stolen by Dashboard Confessional
• I Love You Till The End by The Pogues
• The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel
• Gentleman Don't - Sondre Lerche
• Inside and Out - Feist
• 1234 - Plain White T's
• Chocolate High by India Arie ft. Music Soul Child
• I'm Kissing You - Des'ree (OST Romeo + Juliet)
• Little House - Amanda Seyfried (OST Dear John)
• Super Bass - Nicki Minaj
• All My Life - KCI and Jojo
• The Only Exception - Paramore
• Wonderwall - Oasis
• Better Together - Jack Johnson
• Love On Top - Beyonce
• Brown Eyes - Destiny's Child
• Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
• Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys (get the idea from Last Chance Harvey)
• Fall in Love - Tortured Soul
• I'll Make Love To You - Boys II Men
• Fix You - Coldplay
• I'll Be Your Crying Shoulder - Goo Goo Dolls
• Run To You - Lady Antebellum
• Love Story, Mine by Taylor Swift
• Angel Love - Samantha James
• Heartbeat - Tahiti 80
• Listen to Me - Mocca (Red's favorite song)
• Is This Love - Bob Marley
• The Sweetest Love - Robin Thicke
• Number One - Adhitia Sofyan

Geez I can't get enough. I gotta re-list the songs.
Frankly, what the hell I'm doing? So much years to wait forward but I can't wait my happy blast day with him!

It's been 8 months

You know what?
Late of the night when I'm sleepless, I always thinking about you. Wonder where you're might now, wonder if you already sleep yet, wonder what if I'm next to you right now. I wonder why sleepless night makes me so mellow, with all these feelings, a little tears to shed, some falters I hold and songs about you.
It's crazy how I spent all these past 8 months all alone, with you on the phone but only four times I could hold your hand and see your face. Everyday in my mind there's like a thousand curse spinning around and there's zero thing I could do right now to make it right.
I hate this city. Still. I hate my life, I hate the reasons why I'm back to this city, I hate the reasons why I had to left Bandung, I hate all people and matters why they judge me and ruined my life that easily. I hate them all.
I hate how my dreams just gone, I hate how I don't have a heart to blame you in fact you're not always here with me. I hate stupid routines I gotta do. I hate that crazy old hoe who ruined my life and I'm starving to kill her right now. I hate how distance between us changed so much things, and after all, it ruined my happiness.
I miss you, and that's not just words I said to break the ice. Truly, I am missing you. It's kinda hard and strange to have a late supper without you, to not kiss you goodnight and make sure you're alright. Sometimes I wonder if it'll changed us, and how we'll deny it.
Sometimes when I'm on my way I had these crazy plan to take the first bus I can get, just go to there and hold you. And maybe cry a little cause all these matters is killing me.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I can let you go just to decrease the number of pain. But I probably can't and you probably won't, so I guess that's why we still together.

Blue Band Margarine

Mrs. Lulu, my Advertising Research teacher asked us to make an ads for Blue Band instead do some test for mid exam. It's kinda fun to googling some oldies pic so here it is. Blue Band margarine product. It's established in Dutch on early 20th century. Some are Indonesians ads. It's quite nice to take a look :)

1950's

1950's

Iklan Blue Band "Ibu Kreatif" - 2000

1935 Ads

Goodnight Red

Udah capek banget tapi mata ga rela mejem karena udah tidur siang. Iseng foto sebelum bobo sama Mbebe (yup I've just decided the name!) boneka temen Shaun The Sheep yang dibeliin si kambing. Belakangan kalo bobo nggak ada ini rasanya nggak damai hehe.
Kesimpulannya, gue kangen banget banget sama si embe yang satu itu.

Please God I hate all of this

You know what I hate? Studying.
And what do I hate the most? Studying bored subjects. Like today, like now. Introduction to Advertising for quiz tomorrow. Gosh I hate all of these stupid ads! Seriously, who cares the history of advertising? I don't! I hate most of subjects in fucking retarded ads college here. Marketing, media, advertising, cross culture communication, screw all of that, just please go kill yourself or have a nice day in hell, fuck.
Every days passed like hell. And there's thousands curse in my head every time I went to school and go back to home. Well, if you can call this place as home. It's just a house, just a building. It's the last place I wanna be, with all the atmosphere and people in here. I hate everything's in here.
Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't just kill me? Just bring me a traffic accident or cancer or something. There's nothing to fight anymore. And relationship I'm in just not helping anymore. I'm tired, he doesn't even have a time to call, we're both separated, we're just talking about past and future but what's actually future brings? There's no guarantee of tomorrow. And I'm, honestly, I'm so tired of understanding. Why should I if he not always do?
I hate this town, I hate my life. I'm being cynical and hate everyone. And the more I hate, the more I hate myself. Hates definitely makes you tired and that's not good.

It's Alright. It'll be. Not today. Eventually.

Futuristic Lover ♥

He's my best friend. Big bro. Boyfriend. Someone I really care about. Someone I would never hurt. Someone I've been waiting for a long time. Never thought I'm capable enough to be loved, but he did so maybe that's what people call magic. I must be so lucky to have it then!
I don't love him.
Because I am him, and he is me.
It's crazy how we actually have so little common and yet we're so fit together. We talks about anything and somehow we could be a good listener to each other, even we on topics that one of us couldn't get it, we still listening. Cause he's experience sounds interesting to me. I wanna know how his day going on, have he eat well or not, what his feeling, what's on his mind. I would stay awake from midnight till dawn if he wanna share something with me, just in case he needs me.
I won't let him down. I'll always support him no matter what, even if his choice is killing me. All I want to do is ensure his happiness and stay together for a lifetime. I wanna fell in love again and again. I wanna cuddle when it rains and give a little kiss and hugs when he's in trouble, saying everything's gonna be alright in the end and show him good sides in every unsolved matters.
Well he's so busy lately when I need him the most. But I think that's fine. Maybe I gotta stop depend everything on him, stop being crybaby, just.... stop. Even I need him more than he's gonna need me.
I wanna wake up in his arms someday, give a morning kiss and believe that he's actually loves me just the way I am, that he loves me as much as I love him.
He's my Smelly Goat, my rainbow after rains, my shelter, my home. He's my futuristic lover, as we will spend our life together, always stay together for good times and bad times.
Well if you asked me, dear, I do.

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time there was one naive girl from big old city moved to a smaller city. As she pursued her dream, she met someone. They were fall in love and live a happy simple ordinary life together. That was the happiest moment she ever felt in her entire life, where everything just perfect even she knew it doesn't.

Once upon a time there was a crazy old bitch from a small city. She was happy, but that's a very long time ago. Somehow she ruined happy people's life. So she does what she do. She ruined someone's happiness. Break it, rip it into little pieces.

Once upon a time there was one naive girl who felt a happiness for the first time. But then someone took it and ruined her life, innocent just faded away. She doesn't believe in anyone, as the more people knew her, the more she treat people kind, those people just so selfish and take her for granted. So she stopped being naive. Just one nice girl, with a thousand curse on her mind everyday. She hurts, and pain makes her cynical like she do now.

Once upon a time there was a dream. A simple little dream and that's not so much. Just a wish to be happy. No need to be rich or famous, being pretty and genius. Just a happy life with somebody to love. And just like fairy tales, dream comes true. And that was perfect. Anyhow, nothing lasts forever. So dream does. It's only happened for a while.

Once upon a time there was one cynical girl, living in the old big city. She's been in countryside for a while, but that's a memory she'll never forget. Cause the happiest moment of her life was happened there. Love in the air, passion on work, beautiful friendship, a pretty city, a simple lovely life. Happiness had gone, but not forever, cause nothing last forever, and pain should include. So this pain won't stay too long. She'll find another way to feel the happiness again. And if the time comes, she believe the happiness would stay for a lifetime. Not forever, just a pretty happiness for a lifetime.

Once upon a time there was a brand new dream. It made from tears, disappointment and shattered dream.  The dreamer was down when the last comes for a while and leave her breathless. Days, weeks, months passing by. And that was the tough, but somehow she made it through. And she had a faith that someday, this brand new dream will come true just like the old one... and stay no matter what may happen. No one can break, it'll coming true and that will be the real happiness.