Even Now - Barry Mannilow

Even Now
When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so he won't see
That even now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now

One Step to The True Trustful

I believe in Red much better than yesterday. He totally changed in some way. The way he touched, hug, kiss and the light in his eyes makes me believe that he's into me right now.
So today it's a best day. We spend more than 24 hours together, had some quality time together and share our dreams. He planned to some business as soon as possible, and makes me wanna plan some business for myself too. We had one thing in common, a dream to go to visit and explore Italy someday. An Brazil, to Rio.

I won't say this out loud. But I wish we could make it real together. I mean.. I hope I can go to Italy, fulfill my wishes with him. You know what I'm saying (gee it's so embarrassing).

And even if our way lead to another different road, I still wish the best things for him. Cause now I know, I realize and I have no doubt about a truth that I actually loves him so bad. I love him with a big affection, big enough to make me did some sacrifice.

But still, it seems like nobody in this world ever knew what's on Red's mind.

I don't know what he sees in me. Maybe I'm just his present girlfriend. Maybe I'm just one of his youth romance or whatever. I asked him what he's looking for in me. He had no idea and I'm kinda disappointing cause he don't know what I actually means.

I mean, it's a college life and I know it's too early to decide but that's me and I can't help. I simply just want to asked if he's serious with me, I want to make sure that our relationship isn't a game he played cause he's bored and need a friend.

Cause I actually wish that Red have the same thought with me, and somehow I have a faith that I'm the best for him. I just wish he realize, somehow, sometimes before I changed my mind cause I can bear the tears anymore. Before it's too late.