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@MariaIndriya

I can live without you. I just don't want to.

Date A Girl Who Reads

“Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.”

IMY :(

I miss you.
I miss your sweet smile, your tender kisses and sweet chocolate smell from your perfume.
I miss your laugh and the playful light in your eyes when you look at me.
I miss your stories about your childhood, how it always makes want to take a part of your life even more.
I miss you silly jokes and how you fell asleep in my lap.
I miss you more than I can say, I need you.
I miss us. The old us.

Thought of the day

I'm not worried about the world ending in 2012. It could end anytime.
I'm worried if the world ends while I'm not holding your hand. Cause all I can wish for about the world ending is you by my side.
Because the last person I wanna see is you. And the last words I wanna say is how much I love you, all of my life. Because that's when you will see I'm proofing my promise to you, to love you till the rest of my life.
So if the world ends, I'm gonna kiss you.
And with my last power, I'm gonna hold you tight. And that's how forever will be proven.

I'm tired.

I'm so close to say "I'm done" every single day. And I don't see how logic it is. What kind of relationship between one who wants to be around and one who can't take time just a bit to say something the others one's dying to hear. What kind of relationship between a caller and dial tone and a rejection of 20-seconds-conversation?
What kind of relationship, what why should we stay and live with it, if it's only makes one's life miserable? Because every time I had to wait, be told to be patient and realize that this isn't working out like it used to be, I give my best to hold the tears and try really hard not to cry.
You really had no idea what it's like to be me, do you?
How hard to say something, to share your burden with me and forgot all those damn task you have while you spent a day with me, once a months, and not ignoring me? Why can't you see that you don't make it easier? And sometimes, all the things you said about how much you care and how your love is bigger than mine, sounds like a big obvious lies to me. Cause if you really care and you really love, you'll take your time and try to make it a good quality time.
All I'm saying is just my thoughts lately. I miss the old him so much.

It's not funny. Maybe it is.

Lucu ya.
At some point gue ngerasa capek sama semuanya. It was, but then is different. Lucu gimana sesuatu yang rasanya pernah membakar gue hidup-hidup itu berangsur menghilang. Bukan karena duka itu hilang, tapi karena gue mulai terbiasa sama duka itu. Kayak sekujur tubuh gue diminyakin lalu dibakar, awalnya gue bakal teriak-teriak mengeluh, minta seseorang mematikan apinya. Tapi api itu nggak mati-mati juga, dan sekarang gue seolah terbiasa berjalan snatai melakukan semua kegiatan gue dengan api di tubuh, seolah itu hal biasa.
Kadang gue mikir, mungkin kalau kita menutup mata dan coba melakukan kilas balik masa lalu dan mencoba mengingat kembali apa yang dulu pernah bikin kita bahagia, kita bisa merasakan itu sekali lagi dan melupakan semua duka ini.
Mungkin.
Tapi di sisi lain, kemungkinan memparahnya segala kekecewaan itu juga sama besarnya dengan kemungkinan kita melupakan semua ini dan move on, menjalani hidup baru yang lebih baik dari sebelumnya.

Best 3 of today

• Hurts - Stay

My whole life waiting for the right time

To tell you how I feel.

Know I try to tell you that I need you.

Here I am without you.

I feel so lost but what can I do?

'Cause I know this love seems real

But I don't know how to feel.

We say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay.

Alright, everything is alright

Since you came along

And before you

I had nowhere to run to

Nothing to hold on to

I came so close to giving it up.

And I wonder if you know

How it feels to let you go?

You say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay.

So you change your mind

And say you're mine.

Don't leave tonight

Stay.

Say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay.

Stay with me, stay with me,

Stay with me, stay with me,

Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.

• I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

There's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not

And who I am

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)

God knows I'm tough, he knows (I am tough, I am loved)

We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)

God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

• I Won't Let You Go - James Morrison

When it's black

Take a little time to hold yourself

Take a little time to feel around before it's gone

You won't let go but you still keep on falling down

Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs

Yeah

If there's love just feel it

And if there's life we'll see it

This is no time to be alone, alone yeah

I won't let you go

Say those words

Say those words like there's nothing else

Close your eyes and you might believe

That there is some way out

Yeah

Open up

Open up your heart to me now

Let it all come pouring out

There's nothing I can't take

And if there's love just feel it

And if there's life we'll see it

This is no time to be alone, alone yeah

I won't let you go

(Won't let you go)

(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling

Just take my hand and hold it

You don't have to be alone, alone yeah

I won't let you go

(Won't let you go)

(Won't let you go)

And if you feel the fading of the light

And you're too weak to carry on the fight

And all your friends that you count on have disappeared

I'll be here not gone, forever holding on

If there's love just feel it

And if there's life we'll see it

This is no time to be alone, alone yeah

I won't let you go

(Won't let you go)

(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling

Just take my hand and hold it

You don't have to be alone, alone yeah

I won't let you go

(Won't let you go)

(Won't let you go)

I won't let you go

I won't let

I won't let you go

No, I won't let

I won't let you go

I won't let you go

Random Stories

Have you ever had a brother who seem cares about you... a lot? I'm the first and the only daughter in my family, and my only sibling is my baby brother Frans. But I never had a big brother and ever since I was a kid, I always pretend every big kids were mine. Stupid, yet that's true. I never had that big, protective, caring, young heart figure. So I think it's normal if I always looking for that figure in my life.
I always said how much I hate ITKP. My new college (well it's been a semester so it's not new anymore). But I met this guy, and suddenly I feel like I have a brother of my dream. Let's call him Dew. He's a good guy. He's not smoking, religious, very smart (and I wouldn't have an A for a subject if I weren't in the same group with him), caring and cheerful. He's a wonderful person and the sweetest. He went for internship for about 6 month and I've got to say how lonely I'm gonna be if he's away. Last Sunday was his birthday. I made some chocolate chips cookies for him (his request, and I really had no idea why he likes my cookies when Red said it was terrible). Anyway I tried and tried. What the hell is wrong with the baking process, I wonder, because whether it burn, it becomes a cakes, not cookies. Geez I only had couple hours left.
And it's been a month since the last time I met Red. My pony is short, I bet he would make fun of me (again).
I miss you so bad!!

Jadwal Semester Genap...

MINE

Monday: Customer Behavior 10.00 - 12.15
Tuesday: Marketing Strategies 10.30-12.30, Communication Theories 14.30-16.45
Wednesday: Practical Advertising English 12.15-14.30
Thursday: Macro & Micro Environments of Economies 10.00-12.15, Vocational Empowerment 13.00-15.00
Friday: Free!
Saturday: Advertising Campaign Planning 08.30-10.00, Social Statistic 10.15-12.30, Agama 12.45-15.00

HIS

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday: 07.30-16.00 (and some crazy assignment that took weeks for make it)

A Maria-Angelina-Glory-Patricia Junior High Mates Reunion♥

It's been a long time since four of us gather and having a great quality time together. The last time is back to 2008 and we didn't have a chance to meet again before Angel went to New Zealand for college. I miss her so bad!

Anyway, it's us. Growing up.

Fearless

Well

So much on my mind, so much things that suddenly appear but so little understanding and power to try to figure it out.

Can't turn it down for a week and all has such a powerful lyric!

• Never Let Me Go - Florence and The Machine

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me, 

And all this devotion was rushing out of me, 

And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me, 

The arms of the ocean deliver me.

Though the pressure's hard to take, 

It's the only way I can escape, 

It seems a heavy choice to make, 

Now I am under.

And it's breaking over me, 

A thousand miles down to the sea bed, 

Found the place to rest my head.

• Better That We Break - Maroon 5

Saw you sitting all alone

You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right

Life these days is getting rough

They’ve knocked you down and beat you up

But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK

Say the words that you say

Maybe we’re better off this way

I’m not fine, I’m in pain

It’s harder everyday

Maybe we’re better off this way

I’m not fine, not OK

Say the words that you say

Maybe we’re better off this way

• Water Runs Dry - Boys II Men

We don't even talk anymore

And we don't even know what we argue about

Don't even say I love you no more

'Cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed

Some people will work things out

And some just don't know how to change

Why do we hurt each other?

Why do we push love away?

• Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

• Somebody Loved - The Weepies

Nights when the heat had gone out

We danced together alone

Cold turned our breath into clouds

We never said what we were dreaming of

But you turned me into somebody loved

Someday when we're old and worn

Like two softened shoes

I will wonder on how I was born

The night I first ran away from you

• Wish I Could Forget - The Weepies

Do you disapprove? Alright, you made your point

You don't have to choose right now

I don't have the time to stop into that joint

No one wants to see my face there anyhow

Monday come like Tuesday

You were something else, I will admit

I remember what you told me

Only wish I could forget

Only wish I could forget

Standing in the sun smoking quiet cigarettes

Just before I let you down

Funny how a heart shatters all at once

Seems like it should make a sound

• Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson

I don’t wanna be the one to say goodbye 

But I will, I will, I will 

I don’t wanna sit on the pavement while you fly 

But I will, I will, oh yes I will 

‘Cause maybe in the future 

You’re gonna come back 

Gonna come back around 

Maybe in the future 

You’re gonna come back 

You’re gonna come back 

Oh the only way to really know 

Is to really let it go 

• Love Long Distance - The Gossip

Breaking Up or Breaking Down

When I need you, you can't be found

I want someone who's around for me

Does it have to be so complicated?

Either way I'm devastated

I could use a little comforting

Love long distance

Is testing me trying my patience

I need more of your assistance now

Love long distance

Is testing me trying my patience

I need more of your assistance now

Love, love, love, love

I need some assistance now

And I will thank you for your cooperation

• The Cigarette Duet - Princess Chelsea

It's just a cigarette and it's just a Malboro Light 

Maybe but is it worth it if we fight? 

It's just a cigarette that I got from Jamie-Lee 

She's gonna get a smack and I'm gonna give you three 

It's just a cigarette and I only did it once 

it's only twice a week so there's not much of a chance 

It's just a cigarette and I'm sorry that I did it 

Honey can't you trust me when I want to stop I can

• Just A Feeling - Maroon 5

I watched you cry, bathe in sunlight by the bathroom door

You said you wish you did not love me anymore

You left your flowers in the backseat of my car

The things we said may have left permanent scars

Obsessed, depressed at the same time

I can't even walk in a straight line

I'm a light in the dark, no sunshine

No sunshine, no sunshine

She cries, "This is more than goodbye

When I look into your eyes

You're not even there"

Dear Red

So please stay. Stay with me, stay the same, stay till our lives through and when our hair turns grey.
And this is how to say love without actually say the words.

Over thinking is not good.

I don't feel good lately. About me, about people around me, even about us. Always in the time when I need it most. Red said life and love life is upside down but we gotta stay together and just let it flow. But something felt different. There's something probably wrong cause I keep wonder about things I don't even know. Or understand.

I'm sad, pathetic and gloomy, and pathetic.

Why, all of sudden, I smell fears of commitment on me?

I know he had a hard time lately, with all those paperwork and orientation week and stuff. I know that's exactly why he's good at silent for days. But what makes me sadder is the reason why he didn't talk is because he's way too much think how I'm gonna react. I'm not say he's over-reacting. It's pathetic, and that's me.

I'm so tired. Way much too tired to carry another burden and I don't even know, still I don't know how to figure this out and make things right.

He tried. I know. But I'm afraid to realize something I never thought I'm able to do.

A Week of Me

Postponed this (again) for Never Let Me Go

Heart-shaped mosquito's bite

Messy desk during holiday

My new cactus. Not a rose cactus like I want but still I love ♥

Before haircut.

After haircut. This is terrible! Horrible, a disaster! I bet Red's gonna laugh at my face again and the "You look really weird with pony" phase will come once again. I should do something then. 

Weekend's reading.

My baby brother bought me this.

Toiletries shopping. I'm surely a big fan of Watsons. All their product are compatible for me

What's always on my bag.

Can't sleep without this smelly sheep. I love the one who gave me this with ALL my heart ♥ 

My storybook since I was a little. Still keep it because somehow it reminds me of my mother.

She's so beautiful indeed!

My sunshine ♥ 

Jean gave me this as gifts when she went to China. It is believed as an antidote for bad luck. Always keep in in my purse.

Still keep every movie ticket like a teenager.

Anyway. Today is the second day Red's going through the job orientation. I guess I'm alright with that now. Well I tried to. Anyway I'm so curious waiting for my grade this first semester. I get A for Advertising Research (yay for me!), B for Cross Culture Communication (which I hate, I though I could do better than a B) and C for Introduction to Media Planning (which I don't care too much. That class is killing me).
Wish the best for next week and still, prepare for the worst.