I Hate You Lil' Bro! But I Love You, Too..

I'm a teenager and my little brother is 10 years old. Sometimes I was so angry to him and I hated him for some time. He's naughty and he won't listen what I'm saying for his sake. He's a good boy and I know that's true. But since my Mommy passed away in 2005, he's changed. Well, I'm changed (and I guess my Daddy too) in a way. I have a very bad relationship with my friend then cause no one cheer me when I'm down, I have no classmates at all and some of them played some trick of me and I'm just to naive that age to realize that. My bestbud got a new one and my Mommy's dead. 2005 was a hard year for me.

And about my lil' brother. In spite of my Mom's absentness, I gotta feeling that I have to play that role, or at least try to play that role. I'm the only female in family (although my lovely Auntie never leave us ever for a sec and she lives with us now) and I think I have to do something.

My childhood wasn't good. Although I have a lot of friends, I have no memory of being myself in my childhood. I was so silly and whenever I remember about my childhood, I felt.. regrets. I'm 7 years older than my brother so I know what things that he will regret or no. I don't want him stuck in awkward situation or being bullying with his friends at school. I want him to get the entire best thing he could have. I want him to looks good in his first date, I want him to wear a good clothes so he'll not looks silly, I want all the best for him.

That's so simple but that's so hard to do. He won't listen to me. Sometimes we could spend a day without fighting or debating or me, shouting to him cause I'm fullfill of anger. But the other they, we did these things. He'll hid my stuff when he's angry with me and when I found that, I'll be angry too then I waste his stuff into the trash and he'll never find that again. I hate to fighting with my brother, but he makes me to do that. And after I go to my room and away from him, I'll cry and wish that I could be little bit patient. And it become a cycle.

God, please help me. I can't do this alone without You.