Friendship

Mate.

I wonder what the true meaning of that word. Once I was believed that true friend is really does exist. But nowadays, I look back my life and I see no one. Well I have a very very good friend of mine that I really adore and care about, but I don’t think that 6 and 3 years friendship is proof enough. An ex-BFF of mine (sorry to hear that, even to myself) is being an annoying person to me. We don’t chat for hours or hangout with less money anymore, our topic of conversation become bored and it seems like she doesn’t care about me anymore as I don’t know who that girl is again. She changed and so do I so, that’s the end. I thought she will be my very best friend ever, but now I see there’s no more chance to make it real. Should I still call her BFF after what she done to me—believe that I’m atheist after my mother’s death—and what I’ve ‘done’ to her? She has no idea how it hurts to lose someone precious and feeling guilty for every second cause I’m not a good daughter when she’s alive. She has no idea, and I believe she will never know until she finds out herself (I’m not cursing, anyway).

Then I won’t care too much about it, as usual because I never let myself down of anything—even the hardest time in 2005 when I lost everything I had all at once. So I found another, the one who said “Well, I never feel relaxed to talk with my classmates as I talk to you or C (another BFF of her’”. Then I think she’s my BFF cause she understand the feeling of losing someone and she know how it hurts to angry to God. First I could see that she’s nice to me but then I realize that she left me. Sometimes I felt that she used me. And that’s not made me sad—I’m mad but I’m glad to know in the beginning.

So I guess I won’t care too much about friendship. I’ll just do my life well and after years and years, I’ll look out and found who’s been standing beside me in the toughest time of my life. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. And no, I won’t believe in people who talk behind my head even I’ve spent many times with them cause BFF won’t lie, even the white one.

left to right : Jean, Rezky, Dvorah, Mrinindita and Glory.

Anyway, I’m not that skeptic as it probably sounds with these paragraphs. I’m very enjoying to having fun with my pal. We go to coffee shop to celebrate Jean’s birthday and make some noise in the cozy places. We (well, me) laugh out loud and make troublesome. Girls put a fake scorpion in casher’s keyboard but she didn’t scream as we expect. Well it probably sounds rude but hey, its high school and we got to make some noisy in this silent world. LOL. I love these gals, and I wish in our reunion, maybe ten years after today, the jokes didn’t sound bored. I wish I remember them all of my life.