Invderrity

One of my classmates asked me about past, about how could I loved someone so long without knowing what I love from him. She asked about yellow for sure, always look at me with big surprise eyes when I came up with that story few weeks ago.

I can answer such question like that. Eleven years had passed, still I don't know what's the answer. Still have no idea why I was so in love with him back then.

"Is he handsome?" she asked.

"No," I said. "Red far better, much good looking than him."

"Was he good to you? Did he treat you well?"

"I don't think so. We didn't talk much back then. We're not that close." I added, "He's insanely genius though, but that's not the point."

"So what makes you loved him so? Nine years in love without pretty ending was crazy."

Well still I can't find a good reason to asnwer that. Still. It doesn't matter anyway. Couple days ago I kinda stalk him, find out what he's up to, just for fun, no feeling attached. He's doing well. Good. I'm happy for him. And after 11 years passed, I find myself doing things I did like when I was in love with him. Like slip his name in my prayer. Still.

I love Red. Much more than everything I ever lvedm more than anything I had seen in this whole world. My wish is to stay with him, settle down, stay together till the rest of our lives. I wanna marry him, share the journey of life ahead with him, had his childrens. I want him for lifetime, and maybe longer after that.

But it doesn't makes me forget Yellow so easily. I don't love him as much as I did before. But strong and deep enough to care about his feelings and pray for what's best for him.

I think that's all.