We can try

I feel different.

I said we're changing though I know we're not. I don't know how to say this but the truth is I feel so lonely. As ever. I assume he will be there for me. But he can't. I miss that part.

So I think lesson learned. Never expect things. Cause I did and when it comes bad, it hurts instead. And it's nobody faults. It's just natural. It's things that would happen sooner or later. He can't answer the phone, maybe someday I'll do the same thing too. He had his own life, a lifestyle I'm dying to have cause I already had it once, lifestyle I wish I could have again. But I can't. And even I'm willing to give up everything I had to have it back, I can't. You just can't turn back the time as if greatest magician cannot wake the dead people up.

Being individual is good. For me. Knowing there's nobody out there for me makes me realize the only one who can hold myself is the only me, cause knowing there's someone and they can make it when I need them most is sucks.

I know I'm acting silly. He's trying and giving me the best of him. I should appreciate it more. I'm the one who said to thinking about his feeling too cause this whole relationship isn't just about me. I guess I'm only saying things I wants to be, not things I am. I'm trying, too.

It's not easy. The distance matters getting sucks. But I hear a song today and I think, we can try.

An after all, I just realize why I act like such a pain in ass. Why I nagging and angry just because he can answer my phone: cause I love him. I need him always. And I miss him everyday.