Burden

Life is pretty simple. But no one said it would be easy. Sometimes I wonder why it has to be so complicated. People in my ages didn't get what I've been through and somehow it's not fair.
I'm half dying but barely still breathing.
It's been 6 months and nothing's easier. It's even harder. It's totally sucker.
I wonder why I'm still breathing, wonder why I'm still alive without wanting to continue it any longer, wonder why I'm even born if I got to live in big misery like this. It's just crazy how I have to survived in place named home when the atmosphere here's not better than first and second world war.
It's tiring and sad, pathetic, hell and well, I'm living in the hell of the earth! Your family hates you but you gotta listen what they said as if it written in the stars, they forbid to hangout or do what I want to, I gotta stay at home ALL DAY LONG from March till tonight, I'm stuck here and it feels like I'll never ever go out from here anymore. And if that's happen, I actually prefer to live in the street and be a beggar than here.
There's a moment, a real one, when I think to just end all of this pain in a stupid way. The burden is crazy and I'm really done.
But the truth is not like I want to die. I actually wants still living this world, but I wonder how to still alive in this messy situation. I don't wanna die, I simply don't know how to live.
And when I feel like wanting to be disappear, I actually wants to be found. I want someone knows my lies when I said I'm fine, someone who would see me through, saying how much I've been trying and share my pain with them.
I'm tired and God, please take this burden from me.