Nerdy Bugya

Today I was being silly and asked Red why he loves me after he said so. "I don't know," he said. And I asked why. "I can't describe it in words, but I'll show it in measures then you'll know." That's sweet, I gotta admit. And then he asked the very same question why I loves him. I said the truth so from now on I think I don't have any hidden feelings or significant secret to him.

My life was sad and weary before I met him. I used to fight for something I don't know, fighting so hard to something I don't even sure of it. I failed and it drove me crazy for a while. There's a time when I feel like nothing. Well, I'm not pretty. I'm not slim or bootylicious. I'm not so smart or famous. I'm just a plain ordinary girl. Too plain.

I'm a bookworm, I'm a freak who could spent months without TV, just music and books. My favorite songs and movies are lame cause I'm crazy about something classic and oldies. I never met someone who listen to bossanova (some don't even knows what it means) or Edith Piaf (French opera singer, 1915 - 1963) or someone who pay some interest to Emily Dickinson (American's writer, 1830 - 1886) or thinks that African language is interesting somehow. Or did I have friends who watched One Fine Day (1996) and thinks that it's good?

In other words, I feel like.. I a nerdy. I lost my confidence today when I see something I shouldn't have. I feel different. I know, A.A. Milne was wrote "The things that make me different are thing that make me." But I feel worry somehow. There's a fear inside of me, a fear that I'm lame and boring and .. well I lost the words.

I'm just thinking what makes me attractive? What makes Red likes me?
Should I still be my own self or should I change into a better woman? Like someone who'll spend her money in bags or dolls or make up (yes, I know how stupid I am in make up thing. Make up, not make out :p)

So I said to Red that my life used to be so empty. There was just me, worries, tears and fears that I kept all by myself. And then I met him, world seems nicer and better. He always could makes me laugh even with no jokes at all. And he makes my life so.. colorful. I'm like a rainbow without colors and he's like a painter, came into my life and make it colorful.

Okay, it's late and I'm getting sleepy a bit. Maybe that's why I'm kinda confused of what I wrote and it's messy random things.