Goodnight Red

Udah capek banget tapi mata ga rela mejem karena udah tidur siang. Iseng foto sebelum bobo sama Mbebe (yup I've just decided the name!) boneka temen Shaun The Sheep yang dibeliin si kambing. Belakangan kalo bobo nggak ada ini rasanya nggak damai hehe.
Kesimpulannya, gue kangen banget banget sama si embe yang satu itu.

Please God I hate all of this

You know what I hate? Studying.
And what do I hate the most? Studying bored subjects. Like today, like now. Introduction to Advertising for quiz tomorrow. Gosh I hate all of these stupid ads! Seriously, who cares the history of advertising? I don't! I hate most of subjects in fucking retarded ads college here. Marketing, media, advertising, cross culture communication, screw all of that, just please go kill yourself or have a nice day in hell, fuck.
Every days passed like hell. And there's thousands curse in my head every time I went to school and go back to home. Well, if you can call this place as home. It's just a house, just a building. It's the last place I wanna be, with all the atmosphere and people in here. I hate everything's in here.
Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't just kill me? Just bring me a traffic accident or cancer or something. There's nothing to fight anymore. And relationship I'm in just not helping anymore. I'm tired, he doesn't even have a time to call, we're both separated, we're just talking about past and future but what's actually future brings? There's no guarantee of tomorrow. And I'm, honestly, I'm so tired of understanding. Why should I if he not always do?
I hate this town, I hate my life. I'm being cynical and hate everyone. And the more I hate, the more I hate myself. Hates definitely makes you tired and that's not good.

It's Alright. It'll be. Not today. Eventually.

Futuristic Lover ♥

He's my best friend. Big bro. Boyfriend. Someone I really care about. Someone I would never hurt. Someone I've been waiting for a long time. Never thought I'm capable enough to be loved, but he did so maybe that's what people call magic. I must be so lucky to have it then!
I don't love him.
Because I am him, and he is me.
It's crazy how we actually have so little common and yet we're so fit together. We talks about anything and somehow we could be a good listener to each other, even we on topics that one of us couldn't get it, we still listening. Cause he's experience sounds interesting to me. I wanna know how his day going on, have he eat well or not, what his feeling, what's on his mind. I would stay awake from midnight till dawn if he wanna share something with me, just in case he needs me.
I won't let him down. I'll always support him no matter what, even if his choice is killing me. All I want to do is ensure his happiness and stay together for a lifetime. I wanna fell in love again and again. I wanna cuddle when it rains and give a little kiss and hugs when he's in trouble, saying everything's gonna be alright in the end and show him good sides in every unsolved matters.
Well he's so busy lately when I need him the most. But I think that's fine. Maybe I gotta stop depend everything on him, stop being crybaby, just.... stop. Even I need him more than he's gonna need me.
I wanna wake up in his arms someday, give a morning kiss and believe that he's actually loves me just the way I am, that he loves me as much as I love him.
He's my Smelly Goat, my rainbow after rains, my shelter, my home. He's my futuristic lover, as we will spend our life together, always stay together for good times and bad times.
Well if you asked me, dear, I do.

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time there was one naive girl from big old city moved to a smaller city. As she pursued her dream, she met someone. They were fall in love and live a happy simple ordinary life together. That was the happiest moment she ever felt in her entire life, where everything just perfect even she knew it doesn't.

Once upon a time there was a crazy old bitch from a small city. She was happy, but that's a very long time ago. Somehow she ruined happy people's life. So she does what she do. She ruined someone's happiness. Break it, rip it into little pieces.

Once upon a time there was one naive girl who felt a happiness for the first time. But then someone took it and ruined her life, innocent just faded away. She doesn't believe in anyone, as the more people knew her, the more she treat people kind, those people just so selfish and take her for granted. So she stopped being naive. Just one nice girl, with a thousand curse on her mind everyday. She hurts, and pain makes her cynical like she do now.

Once upon a time there was a dream. A simple little dream and that's not so much. Just a wish to be happy. No need to be rich or famous, being pretty and genius. Just a happy life with somebody to love. And just like fairy tales, dream comes true. And that was perfect. Anyhow, nothing lasts forever. So dream does. It's only happened for a while.

Once upon a time there was one cynical girl, living in the old big city. She's been in countryside for a while, but that's a memory she'll never forget. Cause the happiest moment of her life was happened there. Love in the air, passion on work, beautiful friendship, a pretty city, a simple lovely life. Happiness had gone, but not forever, cause nothing last forever, and pain should include. So this pain won't stay too long. She'll find another way to feel the happiness again. And if the time comes, she believe the happiness would stay for a lifetime. Not forever, just a pretty happiness for a lifetime.

Once upon a time there was a brand new dream. It made from tears, disappointment and shattered dream.  The dreamer was down when the last comes for a while and leave her breathless. Days, weeks, months passing by. And that was the tough, but somehow she made it through. And she had a faith that someday, this brand new dream will come true just like the old one... and stay no matter what may happen. No one can break, it'll coming true and that will be the real happiness.

♥ deruoyevoli

Love me