Funny how hubbub I was

Today is my free day. I love Friday. And I hate Saturday cause my class start from 8 am till 4pm. For Neptune's sake, it's Saturday! But never mind, what's good in Saturday? Red is so far away and  it's hard to have some quality time in weekend with him. H'es so busy and I think I'm going to be, as my heart very seldom to ripped when I miss him. Maybe hard work could distract me.
Anyway, I open my secret blog, http://lonelymolly.blogspot.com  and I read how hubbub I was back then about my relationship with Red. Here's some of them:

Is it love, when I don't want he walking me home when he feel sick?
Is it love, when I won't be his burden in my own trouble?
Is it love, when it feels so right when I'm with him, even in the middle of madness?
Or is it just an illusion, when I think I might be die in my old heartbreak if I don't found and be loved by someone like him?
Is it just a lust, when I think it's alright if he kissed me a lot and knowing that one day, he'll left?

It's funny how hubbub I was. How I was so much in doubt about everything and mostly, about my relationship.
But I think writing is good for me so i can travel back to past, see what I was thinking and reminds what makes me today, decision by decision changes my life and now here I am. So much different with three months ago, one year ago.
And I think I'm gonna changes again in several next months, who knows?