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8 August 2010

Closure with Giraffe Man

So I finally let him know.
I've been waiting for a very long time but it doesn't felt like I assume. I feel.. I'm not sure. I don't feel numb.. but maybe this is how it feels to give up. I'm give up. But am I? I knew this is the end because I said goodbye to him. The only reason why I chose this college, beside my curiosity and little wish to work as wedding planner, is him. I was failed go to there cause living in SG is damn hard. I can't afford that cause I'm not a millionaire (well I wish I was, at least I wish I will) and I'm not-so-talented in knitting. My mission to reach all at once was failed so I lost all at once, too. Love and dream. So that's why I choose this school, cause I know it's the only possible way, for me, to go there. I used to say to myself, "I've been waiting for 9 years so if I gotta wait 1 or 2 years more, it doesn't matter cause I know what I really want."

Then I wonder.. Am I really want it? I force myself to make a very big step beyond my ability to do it.

So I told him.. and waiting felt like centuries. I'm lil bit nervous and shaking. He's so gentleman. He just too good to be true (for me) and that's why I always love him, even there's a time when I love my ideal man with tattoo in his back and I don't want him to be my giraffe-man anymore. He said thanks to love him cause it's nice to know that somebody loves him. And he apologize cause he thought he gave me a blank hope. He's not. It's my fault who always looking for a hope even the slimmest one when I actually knew that something like that will never happen to me.

I admit that I was so greedy.. and selfish. Maybe that's why I never been in a real relationship that last. Cause I adore someone too much and wait too long. Well, I do apologize for boys who treat me well, I really mean it.

I already knew the point, even if I don't asked and wait for his answer. It doesn't feel hurt and I said I'm perfectly fine. I'm over him. I'm moving on now.

But still. He's gonna be my Giraffe-man. Always.

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