Call Me, Maybe?

Sometimes it's confusing. I'm not sure if he don't know I'm calling so he don't answer it or he's actually know that, but doesn't wanna pick up the phone and talk. It's damn tiring, you know? I had enough of that kind of behavior. He don't pick up the phone, he never call me first anymore. He don't reply my text, and yet he never text me daily. Maybe he thinks that's all because we believe in each other and he always said he'll call before he go to bed. But everything has it's own limit, and so did I. Read his last-late-night-useless-text-cause-for-sure-I-won't-read-it-I-fell-asleep-bored-of-waiting-already means nothing to me now. It's just nothing.
How selfish it is, stop caring but hating others who gave me one simple sweet attention? Does he ever think how hard it was for me? Got no girlfriend by my side, gotta live in house (which I refuse to call it home and named it Guantanamo instead). I'm pathetic. Ad for those time he said he cares, I don't think so. Your love is mine, but asked me where is yours. I had no idea.
And all I ever want to say about this subject is: how expensive your attention is?

Bedroom Lighting

Coldplay - Yellow

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And everything you do

Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along

I wrote a song for you

And all the things you do

And it was called "Yellow"

So then I took my turn

Oh what a thing to have done

And it was all "Yellow"

Your skin

Oh yeah your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

You know, you know I love you so

You know I love you so

I swam across

I jumped across for you

Oh what a thing to do

Cos you were all "Yellow"

I drew a line

I drew a line for you

Oh what a thing to do

And it was all "Yellow"

Your skin

Oh yeah your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

And you know

For you I'd bleed myself dry

For you I'd bleed myself dry

It's true

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And all the things that you do

P.s.

I see that pic. Suddenly appears on my Facebook timeline.

You looks happy. So did I, saw you smile like that.

Congratulation for your job. Celebrate it, you are a big shining star.

You was, for me, but you still are for her. For them.

I wish you happiness and all the best for you. For my own sake too.

You know I love you so, Yellow.

Fight

How come we always have a fight when the anniversary is near? Like today, just like yesterday. Today it's our 2.11 anniversarry. A month more to 2 years anniversarry. And yet we had afight last night. My faults. Totally my faults and I'm sorry for it. I'm not proud of it, but it's far better to told him the truth and he'll mad at me than keep this as secret. I hate secret. I hate bad surprises, and I know how hurts it feels in his position. I remember I was there. And that's a hell.
I'm overreacted. He said that, and I know it's true. So I wonder why can't I act normal? Why can't I just pass a day and night not worrying about him? I used to say I'll try to hold, but I can't resist.
God, I'm so idiot.

What's Gonna Happen in 6 Months?

There's a  lot of thing on my mind all at once.
Mostly about how much I miss Red. I miss him. A LOT. And everyday I'm waiting for July 15th to know where he's gonna be for 6 months till December for semester internship. I'll be glad for sure if he's in Jakarta. But if he's not that's gonna be another tough months in distance, again. I hope he's in Jakarta, but above all of my wishes, I wish all the best for him. That's what matter.
I can't help my wild imagination to come about what it will be in next 6 months. If he's in Jakarta, I bet it's gonna be totally fun and lots of love in the air. But if he's not here, that's gonna be tough. For me, at least. I know we've been through something like that before last year. We made it through, but that's doesn't mean I ever wanna feel that way anymore. Thta's a mixture of sadness, pain, tears and urge to meet cause I miss him  bdaly every single night, with another mellow late phone call, talks about future and stuff. That's sad.
I know sooner or later we're gonna be apart. Not to mention this 6 months internship, but his plan to work in cruise after graduation as well. And when that time is come, 6 months of longest distance in Indonesia's gonna be nothing, it'll feel just like a slight slice of pain.
Maybe I had get used to these distance, 127 km of Bandung and Jakarta. And maybe distance between us itself. It's far comforting to know he's sleep in familiar places at night. Yes I know he's 21, he's a big tough guy and can't handle things himself. But it's a motherhood feeling inside of me, though I'm his girlfriend and I had no idea how I feel such feelings and affection. Worries, loving, caring.
He gave me such funny feelings I've never felt ever since I was born. And he makes me feel like I have never loved anyone before him, in case I had for crazy 9 years. But as the ex of "girl whom waiting too long", 9 years feel nothing like this. It's nothing. Next August will be our 2nd anniversary but sometimes it feels like I have loved him for a very long time. And this guy, well, I'm crazy about him. Insanity level for 9 years, well, multiple it. I'm totall crazy for this guy, and lived near with him, to be with him and spend the rest of my life is something I'm looking forward. I couldn't be more exciting.
Maybe I write too much of how much I loved him. Anyway.
I wish it's a good new I'll hear on July 15th.

WhenwhenwhenwhenWHEN?!

Sometimes I think I'm too tired to faced another unsolved problems. And I always said it's an unsolved problems, but maybe it's just one big matters of life and I should give it some time and wait till it gets better. So the next question is: WHEN?
Fuck you life, I'm fucking tired.

Ultra Cute Doodle!