Hello Yellow!

Last night I had a weird dream about you. I couldn't help to smile when I woke up cause every time I did it's either funny or weird. And kinda makes me miss you. I can't help to wonder where are you now, what's you been up to, how are you, how life treats you and if you take it well or take it hard, and I wonder whom you loves right now, I wonder if you happy now.
You were a mechanic (silly me, please forgive my stupid imagination) and I was driving around with my Aunt, had some trouble and she's like, "Hey, that's Ivert. Let's ask him." So I get out of the car, and there you are. You smile to me, as if that's what you always do. And in reality I know, I'm not lucky enough to have that. You fixed it and makes everything good and I know I shouldn't, but even in my dream I knew I'm not over you. I would never be.In my dream I love you just like I use to, a silly skinny love which could makes me give you everything I had with no second thought if you just asked for it, I'll give it cheaply. Back then I would do anything for you, even change myself, change my life so I would be fit in yours.
Is it weird if I still think about you lately? I know I shouldn't cause it's been two years, like my relationship with Red, but you somehow are irreplaceable to me. You're unforgettable. And you're like the biggest part of me. The present me is all because of you. I learn hard, work hard (and I won't say diet cause holiday fat is totally dissapointing). I have loved you for 9 years of my life, it's like my entire youth, pubertity and half of my childhood. Can 2 years of relationship beat it down?
Maybe. Cause it's not like I wanna be yours again, for I know you can't love me. I'm not good enough and 9 years passed, you will never knew what I feel if it's not me putting all my fears behind, be strong and tell you what I need to say. To tell you what you need to know it's not easy, it takes 3 years of my high school and I feel so silly right now, wasting time like that. If I be more agressive and really try hard to have your attention, can we be together then?
Still, I don't think so. You can't love me. And with you all over my sight, I can't be more happier. And it will be wrong to not being myself. And though I'm Red's but that doesn't mean I forget you. You can getting someone's off your memory, but getting him out of your heart is another story. In some length I believe I will always love you.
So that's why I kinda miss you right now. More than ever I felt for this year.