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25 July 2010

Paris van Java Part.2

Alright.
It's been.. a day and couple hours since I heard that overjoyed news that I've been accepted in travel & tourism academy in Bandung. My head keep saying, 'I'm gonna be a good, success event organizer'. I can guess what the sketch of my future is.

But the next question is popping in my mind: "Am I selfish?"

Am I selfish? To my family, I mean. My dad, my brother, my aunt and everybody who loves me. It feels like I'm going to a far, strange places (even it only takes 3 hours from Jakarta to Bandung). I have to leave my home then.

It's been my ideal life of college since I was in first year in senior high, to leaving my hometown and move to study. I think it wouldn't be so hard cause I believe that I'm different with others. I'm so cocky and thinks that I'm mature enough to take care of my self, I can do it and I can do that with or without anyone's help.

Well maybe that's right. I can cook well (for my tongue, absolutely). I can do laundry and dishes by myself. I have a vision in life about what I want to do and what I won't, about what I'll do and what I'll never. Simply, I know what's good and bad. I don't care what people might think cause it doesn't matter for me even though there's a time when I actually care about people's opinion but that's not something that could make a big impact for me.

But if you can be independent to yourself, it doesn't mean that you could live without others. Without family, friends, all the madness and affection in your relationship. Literally I think I can live alone, when I grow up later. But I wont. It's a nightmare to live alone cause two is always better than one in any matter except trouble and bad luck. It's better to have two pencils when you have some exam, cause probably your first pencil broke so you could use the second. It's much better to have someone to share a journey with you than going by yourself without accompany. Two is always better than one in positive thinking.

My bro has changed since he heard the news. He so sensitive lately but then he could treat me like a queen few hours later. Pretty crazy. My dad asked me in a jokes, "Oh! How could you go and left me here? What I'm supposed to to then?". But that's sounds ironic for me. I'm daddy's little girl. I always being nuts without my daddy more than 36 hours. How am I supposed to live, dad?! And my lovely auntie. I'm so depend on her in many thing, physically. My life is about my family even I never share my burden to them. I never share it to anyone except myself, my diary and my blog.

In 3 weeks or earlier, I gotta pack my things up. And all the confidence that I own before seems to gone. Rezky will left in July 30 and Niya already in Malang. August gonna be a tough month without precious things in my life that I had before. My family, my besties, my classmates, all the warmth, affection, jokes, madness and laugh that always I get in Jakarta can't I keep in Bandung. It's sad tough. TT . TT

P.s.
I'm just thinking. Have you watch Princess and The Frog? That Disney's movie?
There's a song in there, sang by the cruel magician. It's said:
you get what you want, but lose what you had before
. . .
could it happen to me???

NO WAY!!!

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