Miss Melancholic of April

First of all, I wanna say Happy Earth Day for everyone (even probably nobody read this) and Happy Kartini Day for Indonesian woman, precisely. R.A. Kartini is a tough and strong woman in early of 19th century who fights for woman emancipation in Indonesian.

Anyway, I got this emptiness. I wonder why it happens when I got a plan to my life, but I feel no harm I’m just in love like I was when I don’t have any plan. Last week I didn’t think about anything else but love. I was being a silly girl last week with her hope and wish and pray every single night for the one she loves. But last night I’m thinking about my plan for my life in 5 or 7 years later. I was thinking about gifts ideas for my family and friends, I’m thinking about things I want to do to make them happy cause only God when I’m fired from life and somehow I’m afraid I hadn’t some chances to say how they’re so meant to me, how I love them and to appreciate them (even it’s only my imagination, I think that’s too far). I want to have my own business, make some clothing line in ‘House of Bugya’ label, design and made the first product by myself. I want to publish my novel that tells my thought and secrets by the character, and etc.

For a while, to be dead sounds scary for me. I haven’t met my soul mate and I haven’t realized my entire dream. Besides, I won’t make my family sad. But in other hand, dead it’s a sweet temptation so I could meet my Mommy, my sister, grandfathers and old friends (only if God let me enter His home).
Life is strange. Or am I a geek?

Anyway, I can’t help myself this week to not listen MYMP’s songs. A funny name from ‘Make Your Momma Proud’. It’s a band from Philippines and their songs are damn good. You should listen: ‘You Got It All’, ‘Till They Take My Heart Away’, ‘Tell Me Where It Hurts’ and ‘Last Chance’. It’s so meaningful.


Last Chance by MYMP

This is my last dance with you
This is my only chance to do all I can do
To let you know that what I feel for you is real

This is the last chance for us
This is the moment that I just cannot let end
Before I know that there’s a chance were more than friends

So don't let go, don't let goMake it last all night
This is my last chance to make you mineI kept my feelings so deep
I kept my dreams of you and me somewhere inside

Although I prayed that you would see it in my eyes
But this is my last chance to say
What’s in my heart before you stay out of my life
And then you’ll understand the way I feel inside

So hold me close cause it feels so right
This is my last chance to make it mine
Make this dream realitySo close and yet so far
Gotta find a way into your heart
Gotta speak my mind
Gotta open up to you this time
I cant let you slip away tonight
This is my last dance with you

This is my only chance to do all I can do
To let you know that what I feel for you is so real
So don't let goJust make it last all night long
This is my last chance to make you mine, yeah
To make you mine


I wonder if I still have this courage in this June. Or May. Can I say it face to face? I never want to have anyone heart but his.

Anyway, this is one of Van Gogh masterpieces. Starry Night. Look at this painting make me feels good, just like a burden in my shoulder has gone. Ha-ha, I’m too poetic today, don’t I?