I Should Learn, Not Watched Movie

This week should be very busy for me cause in 7 days, I’ll face the national-fucking-examination. It’s a pain in the neck for me literally. While my friends was so tired of being anxious or learn till the midnight everyday, I found myself enjoyed movie week after I get home, then take a bath and go to sleep. No learning Math or Economy or memorized Geography and Koppen’s climate.
I watch two good movies: One Fine Day by George Clooney with Michelle Pfeiffer (it’s simple and exciting when they’re two was too busy to take care of their children) and Rain Man by Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise. Oh, Tom Cruise was so handsome and I’m almost tears when he found that he actually loves his brother, the rain man. Gee, old movie is the best. New movie is good, but old movie has other taste. Whenever I watched an old movie that the year of production is before I was born, I felt something different. Maybe, yes, it looks silly cause they’re not perfect as new movie but I kinda like it.
Next movie I’m going to watch: Gone with the Wind and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Anyway, I lost my favorite VCD, The Roman Holiday starring Audrey Hepburn. I just wonder where I could download it with English subtitle (I’m not good enough of hearing without text).

Behind The Scene Yearbook of 2009-2010, I Satisfactory The Desire to Dress Up

The girls of XII - Social - 2.

Top: Tiara, Dita & Vina

Bottom: me and Yoan

the bestfriends: Glo, Jean and Dvorah

Last Sunday, I and all of classmates (minus three cause they couldn’t come) doing so photo shot for the yearbook. Our class got an interesting yet changeling theme: modeling. When we got it, everybody yelling and sigh. Lol. I think it’s amazing that 31 people come to the studio with their unusual clothes (the girls a very pretty but the boys are funny though) and acts like they’re Jesus Luz or Coco Rocha when the photographer counting down. He wants us to look cool with a killer stare and just a couple of people that could smile or laugh.

Anyway, it’s me and my BFF, Glo. We wore the shoes that we bought a couple weeks ago. My oxford-suede-ankle is 5 cm high and she wore her favorite strappy 4.5 cm heels (which I like it, too). Did we look edgy or uber-cool like we wish? I hope so :)

Yep, it’s me. I wore my leather-puff shoulder jacket, a black tight (I love it so), ethnic cotton blue shirt, leather sling bag and I presented you my lovely-dovey gray suede oxford ankle boots!

Friendship

Mate.

I wonder what the true meaning of that word. Once I was believed that true friend is really does exist. But nowadays, I look back my life and I see no one. Well I have a very very good friend of mine that I really adore and care about, but I don’t think that 6 and 3 years friendship is proof enough. An ex-BFF of mine (sorry to hear that, even to myself) is being an annoying person to me. We don’t chat for hours or hangout with less money anymore, our topic of conversation become bored and it seems like she doesn’t care about me anymore as I don’t know who that girl is again. She changed and so do I so, that’s the end. I thought she will be my very best friend ever, but now I see there’s no more chance to make it real. Should I still call her BFF after what she done to me—believe that I’m atheist after my mother’s death—and what I’ve ‘done’ to her? She has no idea how it hurts to lose someone precious and feeling guilty for every second cause I’m not a good daughter when she’s alive. She has no idea, and I believe she will never know until she finds out herself (I’m not cursing, anyway).

Then I won’t care too much about it, as usual because I never let myself down of anything—even the hardest time in 2005 when I lost everything I had all at once. So I found another, the one who said “Well, I never feel relaxed to talk with my classmates as I talk to you or C (another BFF of her’”. Then I think she’s my BFF cause she understand the feeling of losing someone and she know how it hurts to angry to God. First I could see that she’s nice to me but then I realize that she left me. Sometimes I felt that she used me. And that’s not made me sad—I’m mad but I’m glad to know in the beginning.

So I guess I won’t care too much about friendship. I’ll just do my life well and after years and years, I’ll look out and found who’s been standing beside me in the toughest time of my life. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. And no, I won’t believe in people who talk behind my head even I’ve spent many times with them cause BFF won’t lie, even the white one.

left to right : Jean, Rezky, Dvorah, Mrinindita and Glory.

Anyway, I’m not that skeptic as it probably sounds with these paragraphs. I’m very enjoying to having fun with my pal. We go to coffee shop to celebrate Jean’s birthday and make some noise in the cozy places. We (well, me) laugh out loud and make troublesome. Girls put a fake scorpion in casher’s keyboard but she didn’t scream as we expect. Well it probably sounds rude but hey, its high school and we got to make some noisy in this silent world. LOL. I love these gals, and I wish in our reunion, maybe ten years after today, the jokes didn’t sound bored. I wish I remember them all of my life.

I Miss Her

Death.
I never know how bad that word means. I think when someone passed away, our family or friends or lover, your life gonna change and you’ll never be the same anymore. Some part of us has gone and they won’t come back. Death leaves too many pain and believe me, no one could heal. The scar will always be there and even if you’re move on, it’ll always be there.

I lost my mommy in ALS when I was 13. Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis is a motor neuron disease, a fucking-shit-damn-disease that I really hate. There’s no medicine to that disease and every case ended with deadness. Read a best-seller book from Mitch Albom, “Tuesday with Morrie” to more information or you can e-mail me.
Anyway, even though that’s a big shot for me, I felt sorry to my daddy. He lost my mom, his father and his mother all at once, at the same year. But I never see him crying, ever.

I remember its Friday when my mother’s brother and my aunt woke me up in 10pm and we go to mortuary. I’m speechless. I couldn’t even cry out loud. I can’t believe it, cause I thought I’ve just pray but how could He didn’t listen to me? Then I go back to home, my grandma (my mommy’s mother) thought that I and my lil’ bro needs to get some sleep enough after all. I don’t remember his reaction cause I’m too overwhelmed with shock. That night, I was fall asleep in my mommy’s bed while my dad never leaves her until we buried it.

When I wake up in the morning, I thought it was the most frightening nightmare I ever had. But when I realized where do I slept and I didn’t find my mommy in her favorite sofa, at that times I knew that a terrible nightmare has become reality.
Family, friends and my parent’s colleagues—I never met half of them before—come to the mortuary. They hugged me and whisper in my ear that I must be strong. I said nothing. When all of my classmates comes, I give my best smiled and try to cheer them up—not them trying to cheer me up. When they gone, back for school, that’s the first time I knew that I’m a hypocrite person. Later I’ll smile when I’m happy and laugh when I’m too sad to cry. I couldn’t cry in front of people anymore except for the hardest time and I never chat with my friend again. I lost all of my BFF anyway.

In Bible it said that people who dead would not remember their life in world. I just wonder, if it’s true. How sad it is. I hate to imagine that my mommy doesn’t recognize me anymore. It’ll hurt me more than peoples did. What it look like from heaven? Will she remember me, somehow? Cause I’ll remember her for the rest of my life. Cause since she have been gone, I live to meet her someday.

I can’t wait for the happiest reunion I’ll have with my mom.

Rachel Roy

Its Rachel Roy RTW fall 2010. Actually I don’t really pay attention to him. These clothes are beautiful but they’re not my interest. But I love the dresses, really. Looks so edgy for me.

But the reason why I love her is because she’s kind of my inspiration. When I was 14 or 15, I watched Oprah and she’s there. I remember she wore a khaki trench coat. She said her inspiration comes from her old Vogue and she made her own wedding dress. Then the models come from the backstage and I don’t really remember what they wore but that’s look stunning and for that I amazed. Today I check it out in Oprah and that’s a beautiful broken-white dress (it doesn’t need to be ironing!) and a high-waist suit (that’s 2006 and I don’t think people 10 2006 wear high-waist things again. Or did they?)

For a teenager who was so naïve and never thought how her friends could be so mean, she’s my favorite icon. I remember how stupid am I using the internet to find him. I was wrong to spell her name then I got a woman named Rachel Ray (who later being my favorites too cause her dishes was simple and look delicious—I watched her almost every Saturday).
So, look at her masterpieces! I guess she’s the one who made me wants become a fashion designer.

what I saw in Oprah 2006

And that's her. So lovely (she's India and Egyptian-Dutch) yey stunning with the trench coat. I think she's the real trendsetter for sure.

Jason Wu Fall 2010 Ready-to-Wear Colection

Oh yeah!!

It's Jason Wu Fall 2010 man! I never pay attention to him before (sorry, Jason) but last week in the magazine I bought, someone wore his masterpiece and I'm wonder who he is? So I Google it and I found him in my lovely-favorite site http://www.style.com/ and I have to say that the dresses totally gorgeous and the coat / sweaters!! Gosh, it’s simple yet stylish. It’s the ‘IT’ things for this fall (even the summer haven’t come). Wow, wow, WOW!! I love it!

So, here’s the pic. Enjoy :)

How Skeptic Am I

I made a poem in school today while my friends get bored with mathematics and economy class. It’s weird but I don’t really care.

If I could send away my heart to Saturn
Let them stay for a dozen year of lights
Saved them from the greatest pain in the earth
I will live forever
I will live calm and peacefully
No tears, no diaries

If I could send my brain to the moon
Ask them to rent a house and beg to not coming back
Saved them from stress and headache
I will be immortal

It’s untitled and I don’t think its need some. It’s just me and nobody will like it anyway. It’s about my imagine to wonder how good it would be if I don’t have a heart to feel and brain to think if I were broken heart or feel empty inside or whatever may come to me. I think it would be great for me.
I don’t really believe that true loves exist. I’m changed from a little girl who believes that one day, somehow, a charming man will come and love me. Because even it’s true that he loves me, could he loves me the way I am? Will he still love me when I’m not pretty? When I’m bad?
I don’t believe it. True love maybe exists for some people. But not for me, not in these age. Anyway, a guy that I really care about can’t be mine (cause I don’t have courage after all) so I don’t think I could be happy then. Or can I?