I Wonder...

What would we do now if I were there? Having dinner? Doing nothing, just cuddle and watching tivo?
And what exactly would happen one year later, in this very same day? Doing our job and maybe some phone call before we go to bed?
I miss you Red. More than you'll ever know, more than you'll ever feel.

Lucky I Have You

Somehow Red figure out my sadness when everybody seems won't listen me anymore. Or maybe I'm just too obvious. I'm so down and sad but somehow when he joking me that he's got first warning notes from the institute, I got shocked and forget my sadness for a while. Thanks God it's just a joke.
It's funny how he always could brighten my bad day, the one who makes me have a reason to smile, to fight, to laugh and thankful. He just said one sentence and all my burden feels like disappear.

When everyone won't listen you know I'll always do.

That's simple.

No Phone Call? No Message?

Where are YOU?!
Gee. Is it so hard to pick up the phone? Or at least send me message?
I need you yesterday, but somehow you don't answer the phone. I need you desperately. Really.
I miss you and gotta hear your voice even for a while. That's simple.

Sweet Hole In Tiramisu. It's a SHIT.

I really, really, really tired of my life. That the hell is going on? Damn it.
I'm so lonely. Everybody's changing. They had their own business and friendship doesn't matter anymore somehow. Maybe I'm not the best friend ever in this world but I always tried to be one. I would help if I could, at least I would hear all their trouble, give my best to some good-positive advice, try to make them happy at some moment, hold them tight when time gets tough. Literally yes, I do try my best to be a good friend.
But where the hell are they when I need them the most?! It feels like they're hiding somewhere, hiding from me and my bad luck instead show off and hold my hands. Does anybody care? Or even notice how hard this matter for me? Screw friendship. Hang up calls, no reply to my messages, or maybe they'll reply with awkward, short sentences as if they said "Go away, please, I don't know how to solve your damn problem so go ask somebody else."
I thought friends is like a tattoo, they will always stay by my side permanently. And it refers to some people I deem as good friends. But I forgot one thing. Some tattoo is fake. So they are and their personality. Gee. It's kinda scary yet funny how people changing so fast. I guess I was wrong to appreciate them so well.
I'm lonely, and when I get lonelier and nobody stand by me, I feels like hating everyone, my community, my life and even world. I become a scary beast and I don't like it, but what else I could do.. feel?

Introducing Red!

Today I just realize I never post his pic so this is it! Not the best pic of him though. My laptop broke and I lost all my files. ALL. My task, music, my picture with him, my novels (and that's though, really. I almost finish it!) Oh snap!
So this is Red. My Red. I got him so many nicknames. I even can made a list. Red, Smelly Goat, Smelly Red, Smelly Love, Kambing (means 'goat' in Indonesian), Mbek (it's the voice of goat in Indonesia, like baa baa sheep or cock-o-doodle). He's the sweetest guy (and soon he become a man) I ever met. The one I love now, the one I want to be with right now and maybe till the rest of my life. It's crazy that I'm capable to make someone loves me.
Red always forgive my mistakes, not to mention how hurt I was when he confused to chose. Somehow it feels like home when I'm with him. I don't have to be perfect cause he take me as I am. And what's crazy, he loves me as much as I love him (or maybe even more :). I mean, he's willing to wait. I thought he only try to comfort me somehow. But three months passed and I can feel he's taking our relationship seriously.
It's nice to know that I finally found someone like him, anyway.
xoxo

Dreamcathcher

In Ojibwe (Chippewa) culture, a dreamcatcher (or dream catcher; Ojibwe asabikeshiinh, the inanimate form of the word for "spider" or bawaajige nagwaagan meaning "dream snare") is a handmade object based on a willow hoop, on which is woven a loose net or web. The dreamcatcher is then decorated with personal and sacred items such as feathers and beads.



I want one. Red keep saying I'm only a child cause I got too many dream daily but I believe dream leads me to somewhere. It's like the signs of what would may happen to me in future. Maybe I'll post some dream dictionary later.

Bugya's Choco Banana Shake

I'm weird, so I made a little try with juice as usual. I thought it would be the weirdest juice/milkshake I ever made but it's surprisingly yummy. It's easy to made.

• Low-fat vanilla milk. You can use liquid or powder, it's all the same to me.
• One banana
• A cup of water
• Little bit sugar
• Some ice cube, of course
  

And mix it! Then after the milkshake blended perfectly, add the topping.

• Oreo (I use two pieces)
• Four bar of chocolate (you can use almond chocolate, milk chocolate or anything)

It's yummy! I don't know whether it's really good damn delicioso or it's that feelings when you made your own recipe and proud to yourself as the inventor of brilliant milkshake. Ha ha ha good luck anyway.