I feel weird. My long distance relationship seems to lost their faith. Both of us. Or maybe it's just me. Lately I feel so much doubt. About him, my feelings, and love that once was true.
I don't want to have kids. Not that way. I hate the way he said women's nature. In Indonesian they called it kodrat. And I really really hate that word. More than any words. That's just because women can, not because we want to. It is wrong if I don't want to pregnant and raise a child? Not this time. Or maybe in te years I probably still don't want to. Maybe eventually I will change my mind but I believe that's gonna be a long time waiting. I hate the way he said that's the kind of thing that should be done and nothing could change it. That he probably leave if I still don't change my mind. And I really hate it all right now.
If I still like this in 5 years then what? We're gonna break up, is that what he want?
To be honest I didn't feel right. I feel different. Love, maybe, because presence is the hardest thing to do in our relationship. Distance sucks, but feel this way is the worst thing.
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