5 Top Best Breakfast (Never mind, I'll go get some life)

1. Toast with chocolate and banana. So easy to make, so delicious and one is never enough. It's my recipe idea anyway :)
2. Cereal. I love Nestle Fitnesse lately. I love Milo cereal, I love Corn Flakes Gold but please, for the love of God, don't ever serve me Koko Crunch with milk. I hate it so much.
3. Nadi uduk with fried vermicelli, tempe orek and scramble egg.
4. Homemade fried rice (my recipe tooo!)
5. Continental breakfast. It's the best. Two slice of toast with cheese omelette, bacon/nugget/sausage and don't forger the mayo and sweet spicy sauce. Holy! That's is so heaven.

Anyway I think I need other productive job.

A Small Priceless Thing

Beberapa hari yang lalu gue naik metromini dari Blok M ke kampus, duduk di bangku kedua setelah pintu masuk depan. Nggak lama setelah gue duduk dan metromini jalan, seorang wanita paruh baya, dengan semburat warna putih dan kelabu di rambutnya, memakai baju oranye seragam Dinas Kebersihan Jakarta, duduk di depan gue.Kurus, dari belakang dia kelihatan capek.
Nggak yang spesial. Sampai seorang pengamen naik, main gitar dan nyanyi. Muka pengamen itu, somehow, terkesan baik di mata gue. Dan lagunya pun lumayan, nggak asal genjreng nyanyi aja. Gue merogoh kantung tas, menyiapkan sekeping uang lima ratus perak untuk dikasih sebelum gue turun dari metromini.
Di depan kampus, gue berdiri dan bersiap-siap turun. Bertepatan dengan lagu yang selesai dinyanyikan pengamen itu, gue bersiap untuk turun sekaligus memasukan koin itu ke dalam kantung bekas makanan ringan yang usang, yang jadi tempat penadah periuk nasi orang itu sehari-hari.
Tapi sebelum gue sempat memberikan uang, lima ratus perak yang nyaris nggak ada artinya, ibu di depan gue mengeluarkan sekeping logam seribu rupiah dari kantung seragam jumpsuit-nya.
Gue ngerasa sangat malu. Karena terlalu pelit, mungkin juga karena begitu kagum sama Ibu itu. Mengingatkan gue sama kisah di Alkitab tentang seorang janda miskin yang memberikan semua harta yang dimilikinya untuk Tuhan di Bait Allah. Beberapa keping uang logam yang jauh lebih berarti ketimbang duit-duit yang disumbangkan orang kaya untuk sesamanya.
Dan entah kenapa, gue merasa sangat terhormat dan beruntung bisa bertemu sosok sederhana seperti itu.

Addicted List Lately

• Hot tea after eat. Green tea, red tea, anything.
• Kanye West's Runaway song. "Let's have a toast for the douche bag, let's have a toast for the assholes!"
• Advertising book. Almost finish reading Djito Kasilo's Komunikasi Cinta, it's all about how to understanding Indonesian consumer's G'spot. I'm hunting Handoko Hendroyon's Brand Gardener today.
• Roiworld's Bejeweled arcade games. Can't get enough.
• Shopping. I have bought two bags and three pieces of clothes in two weeks. No wonder I'm bankrupt.
• Rainer Maria Rilke's poem. "A Girl in Love" and "A Woman in Love"
• Desires to kissing Red. I'm dying here baby so you better finishing your events task as soon as possible so we can meet and I can kiss you a lot.

I Never Thought I Would Said This But Saying I Miss You Tiring Enough When There's Nothing We Can Do About It

I have the urge to have you near whenever I go sleep and when I woke up in the morning. You may knew what it's like: pain, empty, needy and desperately missing you, want you to be here with me.
And I realized that's a long road awaiting us. And all we can do is wait.

A Real Fight

At some point I think isn't a gift. It's a routine of tragedy and we must life with so much constant thing till the rest.And sadly, we must survive and appreciate it. But where the goods of never ending tears, trouble and worry? God said everything's gonna be alright if we believe. Well I have believe that shit for so long and life ain't got me something good. Just another weary, another swelled eyes, another broken heart with more shits around.
I still don't get it. Where's the wrong of loving someone? I love Red more than I can say. And I don't care is my family dislike him. I don't need approvement for anything I love or want. They just got to except the fact that I choose Red for life. And I will choose him over them if they still being stubborn.
And right now I am so, so tired of life and I wish I can just forget it but I can't. I gotta fight for it. Fight for love. Silly and I never thought I would said that against my family and everything I had on the stake. But, well, I did.

Runaway

How come bad thing happen just when I thought everything has changed and life is better than before?
I simply wants to be happy. And happiness, mine, begin with holding his hand.
Runaway. That's all I could think about.
But we can't run. Not now. But if we don't run away right now, then when? I'm so afraid of tomorrow when we changed our mind and we don't have any strength left because we use it all to survive today.
Tell me when you will  take me from here. Tell me it's soon. Tell me I can make the day. Don't tell me to be patient cause I'm not. Don't tell me to be strong cause I did everything I could.
Don't say anything. Don't think. Just take me away. I really don't care where we go or what we'll eat tomorrow as long as you're near. And even you think I lost my mind, unstable and literally an idiot, I don't care. Cause you're all I got in this whole world. You're all matters for me, and I'd rather die in cold than fell for you but not having you here.

Oh Shit

You honestly know you're giving me cold shoulder right? It's not like you don't realize that, do you?
You left yesterday because the subject they talked about. And when I think about it again, you always do the same every time people asked me that subject. Or sometimes you asked me about that subject with your plain face, definitely not interested but somehow you still asked me.
So now you know what you do and you know how I feel, why don't you explain to me what the hell is going on? Cause I can't help thinking, always think about it twice and thrice what have I done to you.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know.

Sometimes I found myself think of you, so much fairy tales in my head about you and me, somehow, have a little time together. Sometimes I wish you would show me how much you care like you was. And that makes me feel so stupid cause I never really appreciate that in the time when you care about me the most.
I miss your weird jokes and smiles you always show whenever you saw me. I miss you and I feel bad cause now you're not any longer and our time is running out. I miss our small conversation and how you think all my thoughts is fresh and interesting, cause nobody ever do that.
Will you still be my best when we grew up, apart and all those sweet moments become a memory. I hate to admit that a little time we did not spend together makes you changed and seems like you just somebody that I used to know. I hate to admit that now we're stranger, who used to be like a family and inseparable, tries to fight the awkwardness.
I wanna have a little last journey together before you left. I wanna feel the world upon my hands, with you, once again, for the last time before we completely being a different person. Because against the odds, above everything's logic and between the border of right and wrong, I know deep inside we had something we wouldn't admit face to face but we know that's true cause it feels so right.
We're special. And it is something that could never been replaced by anyone, anything, no matter what may come or what will happen. We may continued our life separated, fell in love and ended up with the love of our life. But we know it can't be a good comparison for a little time we had.... being happy and free as bird.
I will never asked you more cause I know it would hurt you. Only if you know it hurts me too. But, well, it's a shame to say this, I love you. Not as much as I love the man I would marry. But I care enough to put some efforts just to makes you smile.

Did You Miss Me When I'm Move On?

Today I had a little chat with a friend of mine as she told me her how complicated her relationship with her crush. Anyway we ended up talk about my past and how Yellow has changed my whole world.

So here's a thought. Did he ever think of me after I move on? I would like to know and see his reaction, a response from a stoic man, when he saw me with Red. Is he disappointing? Did he take a minute of thought and wonder how life would be if he hadn't let me go? Or what he missed for not being here with me?

What a crap thought in my head! So silly to imagine something impossible like that.

Playlist of the week!

• Be Mine - Robyn
• Runaway - Kanye West
• Without You - Lana Del Rey
• Better in Time - Leone Lewis
• I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie

World We Live In

Vienna Court Opera, Vienna, Austria, 1902.

Stoic Japanese orphan, standing at attention having brought his dead younger brother to a cremation pyre, Nagasaki, by Joe O’Donnell 1945.

This photograph was taken by an American photojournalist, Joe O’Donnell, in Nagasaki in 1945.

He recently spoke to a Japanese interviewer about this picture:

“I saw a boy about ten years old walking by. He was carrying a baby on his back. In those days in Japan, we often saw children playing with their little brothers or sisters on their backs, but this boy was clearly different. I could see that he had come to this place for a serious reason. He was wearing no shoes. His face was hard. The little head was tipped back as if the baby were fast asleep.

“The boy stood there for five or ten minutes. The men in white masks walked over to him and quietly began to take off the rope that was holding the baby. That is when I saw that the baby was already dead. The men held the body by the hands and feet and placed it on the fire.

“The boy stood there straight without moving, watching the flames. He was biting his lower lip so hard that it shone with blood. The flame burned low like the sun going down. The boy turned around and walked silently away.”

Quaint second hand book store in Versailles.

Officer's ID Card.

Suicide Warning Signs

Vogue Korea, December 2011, Song Hye Kyo by Oh Joong Seok.

Michelle Williams by Chris Heath for GQ, February 2012

There is a question I have been wanting to understand the answer to, but have been feeling that I simply can’t ask. Eventually I just ask it anyway:

Do you think there was a part of you that imagined the two of you would somehow end up together?

Immediately, I wish that I hadn’t. The look on her face—a kind of juddering visceral alarm at what has been said…I don’t wish to see that look many more times in my life. “That would make me way too sad to answer,” she says quickly, and I hurriedly begin another question, about something completely different, hoping that if I say it fast enough these new words will chase the old words away from where they are hanging in the air between us, and maybe she will let me pretend that it was something I never said.

“No, no,” she says, and I can see the tears forming, and I think she means that she doesn’t want to answer any more questions about anything. I mutter some kind of apology under my breath.

But, even now, I’m wrong about everything. Mostly she is just trying to stop my new question. She has something to tell me.

“No,” she says. “I said it would make me too sad to answer but it’s also…”—and she nods even as her voice breaks once more with tears—”…one of my favorite things to imagine.” And through the tears, a beaming, almost beatific smile stretches room-wide across her face. “It’s actually one of my favorite places to visit.”

LZ Lambeau event in Green Bay to honor the Vietnam vets that were never properly welcomed home after thier tours of duty.

This was one Gold Star mother being helped by another Gold Star mother as she found her son’s name on the wall. I know its not the same as him coming home, but it takes my breath away when I think of the amazing dignity and grace this woman showed when they interviewed her. She even took her place on one of the motorcycles for the honor ride where over 1200 men and women rode to signify the number of wisconsin soldiers that never made it home.

The scene, part of the “Walk a Mile in her Shoes” event, was a sight to behold. Soldiers and civilians, mostly male, strapped on flashy red high heels and pushed strollers or carried their children in backpacks. Battle buddies teetered clumsily, holding onto each other for physical and even moral support.

Little sweet elephant.

A soldier in Iraq watch his baby born via webcam.

A tiger mother lost her cubs from premature labour. Shortly after she became depressed and her health declined, and she was diagnosed with depression. So they wrapped up piglets in tiger cloth, and gave them to the tiger. The tiger now loves these pigs and treats them like her babies.

Coco Chanel.