I hate this play. Life is a stage, I'm the actress and heart is the matter. Heart is the trouble.
I clearly remember how two nights ago I found myself crying after I posted that I'll never cry. Yesterday I gotta go to Bandung (my probably-future-college-town) and I wasn't cry. I try so hard to control my feelings even I'll never be able to control my mind, I've been trying not ro think much about it. If I do, then I lose and my life will be a huge mess.
But how could life could be so cruel? Last night I gotta dream about him. I never seen so long, perfectly face of him like that in my dream, never. At the beginning he jump out of car and give a hug to his mom. Another scene rolling I found myself being trapped by someone jealousy and he hates me in misunderstood. Damn. (But I googling and found out one crazy thing: if you got a dream about someone hates you, then you'll get a good news. Crazy. I don't feel any good news could fix my broken heart)
It's not the second or third times happen. The cycle is always same after all this time:
1st step, got a heartache and/or broken heart
2nd pretending that it's alright, I'm a tough girl and I can do what I should
3rd being numb and try to not think about it
4th either I dream about him or I met one part of his life
5th say this to myself,"well, it's stupid to try forget about it cause I can't do that! That's the craziest things will be happen if I did!"
6th write in my diary "I love him and I always be."
7th fall in love for a while, lost that feeling and finally, get a heartache. again. and back to the 1st stage.
What the hell with ME?!
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