Design to My Blog

Well I'm a little bit confused to tell what a good design for my blog. My hand wasn't made for this thing, I guess.
Can anybody help me, PLEASE?! (I'm bended on my knee and begging someone to help me).

Blood is Red

Some drugs can heal the scars. Any cure can't heal the pain. I'm bleeding and it's Red.
Yes. Blood is Red. I should have know earlier and better.

I made Red do what I want: push him away while I'm still care of Red. Some says Red was sincere but sorry, I'm not the one who broke the glass first. Wasn't my fault if the scars were remain. It hurts and I think it should be getting better since I'm single ice cream from now on. Somehow I'm so relief though there's a part of me that feel 'lil bit sad cause I let go something I actually love. Something that I actually wants to keep.

But I'm tired. I can't stand it anymore. I'm sorry to myself, I even sorry to Red cause Red won't this happen and Red's hate my decision (or maybe that was only how it looks). It's killing me when I found something strange in his gaze. He's here with me but where is Red? Red's not with me.

But you know what? True love is all the same like Aborigine's traditional weapon. Love just like a bazooka. You pull it away and it backs to you again. It will. I'm searching the truth in myself, truth in my life, truth in every little thing I did. Truth in my love, too. I'm searching for a true love and I won't play any game of love.

Time heals. It should be.
And if it's not work, I guess I have to continue my life with my little pieces of broken heart, but not with regret.

But somehow I believe Red would back again. I just have to wait in unlimited time. One thing I'm sure, it couldn't be so hard. Not as hard as Giraffe's case.

Me on A Page of Yearbook

It's been a while since pals tagged me in yearbook album. It's been a while since the last time I wrote in humblestyler. Being college student wasn't that easy though. So I was posted my style already when I was doing the photo shoot. This is it.
Guess I'm not born for fashion since I knew my passion for fashion has fade away lately. Sometimes I think dress up is suck. Don't know why I didn't care about how do I look. Maybe someday my passion will back, just like true love.

About Two Past Week

Do you remember my last post? A song that I post became a reality. Red didn't read that, of course, but he did what I wish he didn't. Taylor sang, "Baby, don't you break my heart slow". And Red did. He did it to mine.

My heart didn't break so easily, but it's crooked and it's hurting me pretty much. Red makes me believe that I was worth to have, worth to love after all happen with Giraffe: my broken heart, countless tears, sleepless nights thinking about him and fights without his attention. Red endure couple of big injury in me, I thought, and I was going to have him everything he needs: affection, embrace, spirit, hope and me by his side in the hardest moment.

But Red slipped away.. and made some fatal error. He choose me in the end, though I didn't care who he actually wants in his arms. I never persuade him to choose me because deep inside, I actually still care about Red. I want the best for someone I care about, my best friend, even the best thing for him wasn't me.

The tornado has over and we can sit in calm right now. I forgive him so easily, cause it's sad to angry too long and it's kinda suck to avoid. What he has done means nothing right now. But still I wonder who's on his mind while his gaze not look at me..

I wonder how could I make it through. I wonder if Vanessa William's Save The Best For Last would be a good song in the end of this story..

Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken, do you mean?
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you'd sing to me
Every time things got rocky


I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say
Do you say what you mean
When you say our love could last forever

(Chorus)
Cause I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

(Bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I stay at home still thinking we're together
I wanted our love to last forever

(Chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
Baby don't you break my heart slow

p.s.

I love you. At least, I will. I'm going to love you more and more.
More today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.
I'll give you everything sooner or later as long as you still here.
So baby, please, don't break my heart slow.
I'd rather hear the truth earlier, say goodbye earlier, and save my heart from breaking down before it's too late..

The History of Pinky Swear

Once upon a time in a great, huge kingdom, there’s wise Princess. She’s so pretty so Princes from all over the world came to propose her. At the end, five handsome princes made it to the final pick. To see who would be the best match for her, she gave them a test. She hid her right hand behind her back and folded her finger but one. And the princes had to guess which it was.

The first prince she saw is totally a rich. He wore gold in every inch in his body—golden tunic, golden hat, golden shoes. He lifts his thumb and offers her a big, beautiful golden ring. The Kingdom would be so rich if she marries him, but the finger wasn’t match so she walked pass him by.

The second prince looks so clever. He’s got bold eyeglasses in his face. He lifts his index finger, as he always did to his teacher. The Kingdom will be a developed Kingdom, but she passes him because the finger didn’t match.

The third prince is the strongest one, she presumed. He’s so tall with big muscles in his arms. The Kingdom will be more powerful, she thought. But he lifted his middle finger. The Princess stays in freeze in a while, slap him and pass him by as it wasn’t the same unfolded finger.

The fourth prince is the most talkative prince. He always admired her, flatter her with those sweet words and praise her. It makes her happy. However, he lifted the ring finger. It probably a good meaning of marriages, but she pass him by cause that’s not the unfolded finger she hides.

Then she made a step to the last prince. He wasn’t the strongest, richest, genius or Casanova prince like the others. It’s her last hope, the Princess said to herself. The prince raises his hand in silence, everybody waiting in suspense. Then he lifted his baby finger, the smallest one all over the fingers. Surprisingly, the Princess show off her unfolded finger and it match. And that’s the sign that she finally found someone. Soon they get married and they live a happy life. They couldn’t be any happier.

But the Crusade began and the prince had to go to war. Before he left, he promised her that he will come back alive. He crossed her pinky to her, and that is swear he made to her wife.

Days, months and finally years pass away. There’s no news from him and she couldn’t tell whether he still alive or dead. And because she was still beautiful in ages, although so many men came to the palace and asking her to remarry them, she has a faith. She believes that her husband would come back and turned them down.

But at some time, she couldn’t turn them down anymore. She decides to remarry suitors who would cross his pinky with hers. But nobody understand the pinky swear she aim.

One day, a filthy beggar came and showed up at the palace. The guard tried to throw him out, but the Queen tells him to come in because everybody’s should be given an opportunity. She lifted her pinky finger and the beggar cross his pinky to hers. The she realized that the beggar was the Prince. The Prince comes back! She was so glad and relief that finally her husband came back. The Princess and the Prince live well then.

Until there’s one day, In the middle of the night, she wake up and find out that the Prince had disappear. The truth is, the Prince got killed in his way home from the battlefield. The ghost, the folks believe, will stay for 49 days. That was the 49^th days after his death. It’s the last night, and the Prince was come back to fulfilled his promised. A pinky swears is his promise to come back alive. He had to come back even as a ghost to keep his promised he’d made to his wife.

After a big search, she finally found his body. As she cross her finger to his, she drank a poison. She fell asleep in his arms and never wakes up again.

P.s. I wrote this story by myself but I don't make this story. When I was younger, I watched a late-night movies and there's a part when the women told this story to her boyfriend. I google it and found out the title of the movie is Windstruck. It's Korean and I don't remember how the story goes but this fairy tale.

In Bad, Bad Mood

I've been so moody lately :( And I can't figure it out why.

It's holiday, again, so I got to back home and leave Bandung for a week and half. And somehow it's not an easy thing to do. I love to be there. I love the freedom to do what I want and to not listen what my daddy's said. I love to be alone and now, after a month of loneliness (though I never felt so lonely), back to home drive me crazy. I can't do that, I have to act like this. It's literally sucks.

I miss my place in Bandung, where it's so fresh and cold. I miss the feeling of waking up in my room and the smells of everything in there. It's so weird cause when I move to Bandung, I never feel homesick at all. Am I that weird? I love to be there, that's a truth.

Geez, I hate to be here, in the middle of crowded in my own family. Can I back to Bandung right now?