Officially Red

Yesterday seems like a dream. In my sleep I'm afraid that that was only my crazy hallucination and poor fairy tale. But thanks God it wasn't. It's damn real. Red and I.

So today's gonna be a good day, that we will spend it together. It's so funny how we share the secrets that we kept for 3 weeks.. and it's so amazing and unpredictable how we actually interested to each other at the same moment! Geez!

Last night he walked me home after dinner with pal. I thought he do that cause his precious cigarettes was left in my room and he come for taking it.. Then he say it after we made a jokes.

I have no answer but 'yes'. I do. And I've been long for that. And now everything is clear. I won't care about past cause all I have is present and all I want is future.

Anyway, somehow Dante Alighieri was taking part in this story by his words:

L'amor che muove il sole e l'altre stelle

Red

Waitress sounds like a job. But I guess I were born to be one. Waitress. The wait-er, people who always and always wait patiently for something.. or maybe someone.

So when my case with Mr.Giraffe was closed, I'm getting numb for few days.. then I met him. The newcomer, the one who could make me laugh, life and love at the same time. Let's call him.. Red. I guess it's a perfect nick. Red would be nice to hear, like Mr.Big by Carrie Bradshaw.

He's damn hilarious and we share so many tunes every time we work together. He's gentle and I don't think I have (or I'll have) other reason why I chose.. like Red. Red treat me so kind, and I wish (and I feel) there's something between us every time he walked me home. It's just feel so nice and amazing how I could feel damn comfortable when I'm with Red.

It's like the opposite side of Mr.Giraffe. He told me what I want to hear, what I was waiting from Mr.Giraffe. And by the time we getting closer, I never mention that damn giraffe anymore.

Yes, I gotta admit it sooner or later that I'm in the game. I'm the player. And it's such a fun, relax and sweet games to play.

But I wish the situation is easier. I've told myself not to hurt anybody, but it seems like I will break my own rules for the second time because of Red.

You Are The Sunshine of My Life

You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always be around
You are the apple of my eye
Forever you'll stay in my heart

I feel like this is the beginning
Though I've loved you for million years
And if I thought our love was ending
I'd find my self drowning in my own tears

You are the sunshine of my life
That's why I'll always stay around
You are the apple of my eye
Forever you'll stay in my heart

You must have known that I was lonely
Because you came to my rescue
And I know that this must be heaven
How could so much love be inside of you?

Damn I love this song. Perfectly fit for in love mode on. Stevie Wonder sung it, but I personally loves Lisa Ono's version song cover.

Napoleon to Josephine

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil.
Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!
Are you angry?
Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried? ...
My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives!
You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours.
Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Bonaparte

I hate Napoleon for some reasons.

Like, he left Josephine so easily and had an affair with other women and said something like 'power is my mistress'. Damn, he's such a jerk (sorry but I don't think I'm wrong). After all those sweets love letters, with romantic words and sounds like he truly deeply madly in love with her, he left her just like that? Because she can't pregnant?

I hate that kind of person who can forget the love so easily. I mean, Josephine was his wife! I absolutely could understand if you love someone and they don't love you back so all of your love letters (or some kind like that) is wasting.

Am I wrong to think that someone could never stop love someone else who love them back, somehow? Cause in my 18-years-old life, I don't think I could make it. It took a very long time for me to move on from a guy who don't even care about me. And I can't imagine if my heart could change when I love someone and somehow he loves me, too.

Well, I'm sure Napoleon was the opposite side of me. Maybe he's got he's own reason. Or maybe I'm just too naive.

Goelali: Children's Film Festival 2010

It's not the latest event I went but still I want to post it. It's children's film festival 2010 by an organization named Goelali. It's actually the old pronunciation of word 'gulali' that means sweets.

Franz, my fatty-lil bro, told me about that events and he whined around about that events. Once he said it's for free, I'm glad then we decided to go. I booked the ticket cause it's limited seat, then we go to Plaza Indonesia the next day.

It's a huge events and I kinda like it even there's a lot of noisy children. There's a painting exhibition, origami class and many more. We watched an old Japanese movie titled "Sadako Senzaburu" or something like that (I'm not J-movie maniac, FYI) and it's touching. It's about an innocent girl in 12 who got cancer as the effect of Hiroshima-Nagasaki bomb during the World War II. She believe that hundred or thousand bird origami could grant her wish to be health, so she makes thousand of origami while she was hospitalized.

I left the theater before the movie ends cause I want to pee, so I have no idea how the movie ends. But it must be very touching cause my bro said so.

Franz with the parrots.

He actually kinda scared of animals.

But won't admit it and always said that they're cute when I said so.

What a stubborn boy.

Me and the parrots from Indonesia's Safari Parks in Bogor.

They're really cute, hanging on my shoulders.

The green one won't let me go so I stuck with him for minutes.

Last Thoughts

Sometimes, the very thing you looking for is one thing you can't see

I love those words, taken from old song Save The Best For Last by Vanessa Williams. I love that song, I always have. Without any logical reason, I made myself writing even when I'm actually wants to sleep.

I thinking about it, again. The closure. That guy wasn't, and he'll never be my present or future. Time's up and I knew. I've told myself hundred times a day and still, when I have nothing to worry about, I think about it.. him. I've tried, but sometimes I slipped away and I just can't help. No comment please, except you're the expert of how forget a guy that you always love since you was a little girl. Forget something (someone, in my case) will never be a easy thing to do and it takes time. Days, weeks, months or probably years.

I think it's him that I miss to love, cause my heart is perfectly empty now and it seems like no cure can endure. But then I realize it's not about him. It's all about the feelings. I miss the feeling of loving someone. And then I knew that I can continue my life well, with or without him. Guess that's a very positive thought as the first step of move on.

I was wrong to wants him to be my last. You know why? Cause your first love makes you think that he's the last, and your last makes you believe that he's your first one. I believe in my quotation so I bold it up:) But I believe that people failed to be right, they met the wrong ones to meet the right one.

Anyway, two nights ago I got a dream. There's a man and he's kind of my type. Literally, he is and that's the opposite of my giraffe-man, absolutely. He's big, with a muscle (I guess) and strong impression though he got a very calm pretty face. And in my dream, he was care about me. I was so stubborn and fierce in my dream but somehow, he make it equal with the tenderness and all things I wish I found in my future husband (laugh, baby, laugh!). Such a sweet dream, really, though I don't really understand what I've dreamed about. But this dream have me wish a little hope to find someone like that.

Cause just like Carrie Bradshaw, I'll meet my Mr. Big and marry him someday.

Gee

It's my 9th days in Bandung and damn, I miss my hometown much. I miss the heat, the street, the smell, the feel. I miss my lil bro, my pet, my bed, my room, my dolls, my mates, bff's and everything about Jakarta.

So I stayed here, in a small room that only the half of my room in Jakarta. But it's pretty cute to have my own-house with everything I need inside of it. I have my own laptop (I don't know if it officially mine or not) and I could decorate my room! But sadly, I left the scrap paper in room study. I'll bring it if I come home and show you later.

And speaking about my new room, it's crazy here. College life is not like I was thinking about. I had a wrong, wrong prejudice. Tourism is not easy as I wish. It's hectic and very strict here. One little mistake could chop me alive. However, it doesn't mean that I'm so sad. I just felt so lonely cause I haven't found a perfectly fit friends like I had. I gotta be very tough here to alive and I gotta be stronger than anyone else. I have my mission, to be the best student in my major and a visions to get a fab job and live well after the graduation in 4 years.

But it's kinda fun, too. I got 4 lessons of languages: Indonesian, English, Chinese and French. That's the only good news though.

In case you wonder why I haven't post my humblestyler section, that's because I have a tragedies here ;( I've spent 3 days in military school as the freshman and my skin gone black. It's not tan like I wish I had, and it's not white & pale like I used to have last week. It's black, totally. And the worst of all, I don't pick out my glasses when it burns so don't ask me how I deal with a skin like this. And the last, I didn't bring my camera and that's so sad cause I (finally) bought a white simple tap dance shoes (or Oxford? i can't tell the difference) in IDR 70.000. Geez, that's more cheaper than I ever imagine.

Luella Spring 2010 RTW (love it! love it! love it!)

it's the genius Luella!

so 70's. good job

So this is the latest masterpiece form Luella Bartley. Like I have always expected, it's so adorable, sexy, cute yet trashy. How I love the heart-chest-dress. Maybe that's what I called "ultra lovely". I should make a dress like that. I always love Luella's dress. I probably love it too much. Guess I'll love her dresses forever more. It's too pretty to be true.

Anyway, the pic wasn't mine. Taken from every fashionista favorite's site, indeed.

Closure with Giraffe Man

So I finally let him know.
I've been waiting for a very long time but it doesn't felt like I assume. I feel.. I'm not sure. I don't feel numb.. but maybe this is how it feels to give up. I'm give up. But am I? I knew this is the end because I said goodbye to him. The only reason why I chose this college, beside my curiosity and little wish to work as wedding planner, is him. I was failed go to there cause living in SG is damn hard. I can't afford that cause I'm not a millionaire (well I wish I was, at least I wish I will) and I'm not-so-talented in knitting. My mission to reach all at once was failed so I lost all at once, too. Love and dream. So that's why I choose this school, cause I know it's the only possible way, for me, to go there. I used to say to myself, "I've been waiting for 9 years so if I gotta wait 1 or 2 years more, it doesn't matter cause I know what I really want."

Then I wonder.. Am I really want it? I force myself to make a very big step beyond my ability to do it.

So I told him.. and waiting felt like centuries. I'm lil bit nervous and shaking. He's so gentleman. He just too good to be true (for me) and that's why I always love him, even there's a time when I love my ideal man with tattoo in his back and I don't want him to be my giraffe-man anymore. He said thanks to love him cause it's nice to know that somebody loves him. And he apologize cause he thought he gave me a blank hope. He's not. It's my fault who always looking for a hope even the slimmest one when I actually knew that something like that will never happen to me.

I admit that I was so greedy.. and selfish. Maybe that's why I never been in a real relationship that last. Cause I adore someone too much and wait too long. Well, I do apologize for boys who treat me well, I really mean it.

I already knew the point, even if I don't asked and wait for his answer. It doesn't feel hurt and I said I'm perfectly fine. I'm over him. I'm moving on now.

But still. He's gonna be my Giraffe-man. Always.